Comments on: Yes! Wait, maybe. I mean… not right now?

By: Shawna

Shawna — Tue, 25 May 2010 11:11:14 +0000

Happily married. X 13 years. And still I am all for finding new words to describe our commitment to one another: husband seems foolish and trite, anyone can marry, it takes commitment to truly make a relationship work. Often I describe him as my partner, a but then people mistakenly believe I am gay or in business with him. Gawh!
Anyway, your maybe is YES, as in committed all the way!!

By: Kristen @ Motherese

Kristen @ Motherese — Sat, 22 May 2010 19:07:25 +0000

Good for you for saying yes to each other without feeling the need to say yes to other people’s definitions of “committed relationship.”

Your story reminds me of my uncle and aunt. They were together for decades when it came out that they had gone off one day and gotten married. They did it for the purposes of sharing healthcare benefits (a not totally uncommon occurrence in the States at one point) and didn’t bother telling anyone because it didn’t change the way they saw themselves or each other. Their attitude is my attitude: if you are happy, who cares what you call it?

By: CK

CK — Sat, 22 May 2010 00:00:02 +0000

You are living in YES, though. The most important YES.

YES to each other.

By: Sarah Carmichael

Sarah Carmichael — Thu, 20 May 2010 21:29:00 +0000

Hmm… I’m not sure I’d be opposed to a gift registry, though…

By: Erin

Erin — Thu, 20 May 2010 21:24:05 +0000

The thought of having a wedding makes me want to cry. Not happy tears. The baby daddy and I are engaged (and have been since 3 weeks before we found out about baby…) but there’s no wedding currently on the agenda.

By: Jen

Jen — Thu, 20 May 2010 19:18:45 +0000

Well, you’ve just described me. And my relationship. Maybe someday when we’re older and greyer we’ll decide to get married. But there won’t be a wedding. Not the kind that takes thinking and planning. Not the kind that means dresses and gift registries and table numbers. Nope. And if you do invent a word for spouse that doesn’t require a marriage certificate, let me know!

By: Sarah Carmichael

Sarah Carmichael — Thu, 20 May 2010 16:41:39 +0000

We should just make up a word and start using it.

As for our engagement? Total technicality. There wasn’t really a proposal or agonizing over a ring. It was really void of any romance. Truth be told, I wanted to know that he could/would utter the words – that he could articulate the desire to spend his life with me before we decided to have kids. A month after that, I was pregnant with Q. I wear my grandmother’s antique engagement ring that we got resized.

By: Justine

Justine — Thu, 20 May 2010 16:31:38 +0000

Oh my god – YES!

We’re in the same boat, sans engagement. Wedding/engagement nowhere in sight, which is fine by us. Like you, we already do all of the things that married people do, including legal/financial.

And I so hear you on this: ” I wish we had more fitting titles. Titles with the strength of husband and wife without the assumption of marriage. It bothers me that there is no title that honours the depth of our relationship.”

I HATE having to call him my boyfriend. So high school and so does not represent the commitment we share.

We would like a wedding someday. Maybe. Actually, that answer differs on any given day. But I really wish there was something we could call each other that would be a more accurate depiction of how we truly feel, of what we truly are to each other.

By: Sarah Carmichael

Sarah Carmichael — Thu, 20 May 2010 03:29:57 +0000

Yes, I know some couple who’ve made it official who are less stable that we are. I think the perception is, though, that their relationship is more authentic somehow. That’s ok with me, though.

By: Sarah Carmichael

Sarah Carmichael — Thu, 20 May 2010 03:26:55 +0000

I’m so glad you came by. Five for Ten was such a great way to connect with more people!

Yeah, I don’t see how it would change anything. Like I said, maybe someday… 18 years sounds good!