10 years from now…

Posted on November 18, 2011 by Sarah Carmichael

This post’s 30 Day Blog Challenge topic: Where would I like to be in 10 years?

In ten years, I will have a teenager and a 10 year old. Seems impossible, but I know it will pass so quickly I’ll wonder where the time went.

Aside from everyone being older, I don’t expect much to be different ten years from now. I would like to be where I am now. Same house. Same great neighbourhood. I don’t wish to have anything ten years from now that I don’t have now. I have spent my entire life creating the life I am living and I, honestly, don’t want for anything.

Maybe, I’ll be working outside the home instead of freelancing, but, I don’t have terribly ambitious goals. I’m happy where I am right now and if this is where I am in ten years, I’ll be grateful.

Me & Mr. T

Posted on November 16, 2011 by Sarah Carmichael

In case you missed it, I have committed to doing the 30 Day Blog Challenge.

This post’s topic: Current relationship

I will say, the current threw me for a second. I don’t think of Mr. T as current. He is relationship. Full stop.

I very rarely talk about Mr. T on my blog, by his request. The most depth I’ve gone into in about our relationship was about us not being married. I wrote that post a year and a half ago and nothing has changed with respect to the legal status of our relationship. We are unmarried spouses.

Mr. T and I keep to ourselves. We simply don’t talk about what is going on with us – good, bad, or ugly. So, writing a blog post about our relationship is awkward. It’s hard not only because he’s asked me not to talk much about him, but because it’s not something I, generally, talk about with other people. The person I talk to about my relationship with Mr. T, is Mr. T. That is the beauty of it. Both of us always know exactly where we stand. All the time. Sometimes, that’s not a comfortable place to be – but, as far as I’m concerned, it’s better than wondering and worrying. When something comes up, we address it. Then, it’s over. The process might get messy, but the end result is clarity.

Mr. T and I have been together for six years. From the first time I heard his voice, I knew he was special. Within six months of our first date, we were living together. Some things you just know.

We have our differences, and I suspect people who know us wonder why we chose each other. But, we’re more similar than we seem. When it comes to things that matter to us, Mr. T and I have always been on the same page. Values. Religion. Parenting. Spending. Politics. Social justice.

We are both passionate about what we hold true and neither of us shy away from expressing ourselves. To a fault, perhaps. Debates get heated, but feelings don’t get hurt. Even if people don’t get us, we understand each other.

We love each other. We love our children. Fiercely.

Everything old is new again

Posted on November 15, 2011 by Sarah Carmichael

For a long time, I have been contemplating this blog – its content, its purpose, my reasons for writing it, what direction I want to take it in, whether I should just shut the whole thing down and move on.

It hasn’t really occupied my thoughts, though; it pops into my consciousness now and again, waving wildly, squeaking “remember me?! remember me?!” I remember. I contemplate. I move on.

Then, an unexpected thing happened; I was inspired to blog like it’s 2006 – when I didn’t care about content or stats or readership or sponsors or any of the things bloggers stress about nowadays. I’m not interested in all that noise. I am relieving myself of all the pressure. With that, I am not going to agonize over my writing and simply type as it flows. Back to basics, my friends. Back to basics.

So, why do I blog? I could say it’s to write – an outlet – but, I could do that in a journal. So, why a public forum?

In all my contemplating, I’ve realized that I want people to read it. I want to share my thoughts, opinions, knowledge, beliefs, perspectives with whomever will take the time to read them. More than that, though, I want my kids to have a written account of my perspective on things. Whether I am in this world with them or not, I want them to know what is important to me. I won’t journal for them. That much I know. I also know that if I am writing the content with them in mind, it will be my complete truth. My clear perspective.

So, here I sit with a new design (that I did all by myself) and a new vision. I will write when I feel like it about whatever inspires me. Screw niches.

What has currently inspired me is the 30 Day Blog Challenge that I saw on Domesticated Momma’s blog. Ambitious? Yes. But, I figure if I’m going to do this, I might as well jump in with both feet.

This is what it will entail. And, I’ll tell you at the outset that my 30 days will not be consecutive. You know, this might provide me with a year’s worth of content!

Each (but not every) day, I will be writing a post about one of the following topics:

Current Relationship
Where would I like to be in 10 years
Top 5 Pet Peeves
Views on Religion
Favourite Comfort Foods & Why
Zodiac Sign and Does It Fit?
Favourite Childhood Toys
A moment you felt most satisfied in your life.
If you would have any job in the world what would it be?
Your guilty pleasures
Put your iPod on shuffle and write first 10 songs that pop up.
Bullet your whole day
Somewhere you would like to move/visit.
Earliest Memory
Write 15 interesting facts about yourself
Your views on mainstream music
Your highs and lows this last year
A book you could read over and over and never get sick of
Your biggest regret in life
How important you think education is
One of your favourite TV Shows
How have you changed the past 2 years
Post 3 pics of famous people you find attractive
Your favourite Movie & What its about.
Someone who fascinates you and why
If you had $1,000,000 to spend how would you spend it?
A problem you have or have had in the past.
Something that you miss
List 10 people dead or alive you would invite to dinner , include the menu.
Goals for the next 30 days!

I can hear you laughing. Challenge is right!

I might start tomorrow.

“She looks like daddy”

Posted on January 30, 2011 by Sarah Carmichael

Yesterday morning as Q and I were sitting in the local coffee shop, a black woman walked by our table. “Mommy!” Q said, “Look! She looks like Auntie K!” He was referring to Mr. T’s sister. Interesting, I thought. The woman was about the same age, but the only physical attribute that resembled Auntie K was the colour of her skin.

Intrigued, I asked Q “Is there anyone here who looks like mommy?” He nodded and pointed to the closest white man in the shop. “Anyone else?” I asked. He scanned the room and pointed to three other white men. Interesting! I probed further and said “How about daddy? Is there anyone here who looks like daddy?” Immediately, Q pointed to the older black woman sitting at the next table. “Her. She looks like daddy.”

Interesting…

What do you think this says about gender?
What insights have you had into how your kids sort the world around them?

Hypermobility Syndrome and Pregnancy

Posted on January 28, 2011 by Sarah Carmichael

It is a little know fact, even among those close to me, that I have hypermobility syndrome (HMS). I don’t talk about at all and I am sure that people who know me will be surprised to hear that I have it. It isn’t something I ever thought I would share on my blog, but my pregnancy has forced me to put it out there in the hopes of connecting with others who are also affected by HMS. I need support and I need some coping strategies as I move further along in my pregnancy and get heavier.

The easiest way for me to describe HMS without falling into the ‘double-jointed’ misnomer is that it’s a connective tissue disorder that causes my ligaments to be stretchy. Basically, my connective tissue doesn’t offer enough support to my joints, leaving my muscles to pick up the slack. Each case of HMS is different and different joints are affected. In my case, my major problem areas are my hips, wrists, elbows, shoulders, rib cage, and back. The result is pain in and around my joints as my muscles compensate for my ligaments. The harder they work, the more pain I feel.

I don’t talk about my condition for a variety of reasons. First, I don’t think it’s a big deal; I have adapted my lifestyle to accommodate it. I know my limits and I have effectively managed my pain for as long as I can remember. I avoid activities like yoga and pilates, while focusing on strengthening my muscles so they can pick up the slack and keep me stable. Secondly, there are a lot of people who are far worse off than I am. I don’t complain; I just deal with it. Lastly, I don’t want sympathy, special treatment, or for people to question my ability. I do what I can and I live my normal.

Unfortunately, HMS can complicate pregnancy and this time it has for me. Not only do I have a lot of pain in my hips and pelvic area, my ligaments are not holding up my belly, so my abdominal muscles have to compensate more and more as I get heavier. I can only speculate why it’s worse this time; every pregnancy is different. This time, however, I am chasing around a two year old. I am constantly bending down and picking things up off the floor. And, I am lifting and carrying around a 28+ pound toddler all day, everyday. It all has taken it’s toll and as my pregnancy progresses, the pain gets worse.

The belly pain came first and early. When it did, I searched online for information, explanation, and any indication that this was normal for those of us with HMS. The information out there is limited and has left me feeling a little isolated. I see women seemingly unaffected by pregnancy – carting around many kids, working, working out, doing yoga, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping without leaning on the cart for support, and doing everything that they would do if they didn’t have a being growing inside them. I marvel at how refreshed they appear and have to remind myself that I am not those women. I have to remind myself that the farther along I get in my pregnancy, the harder it will become to function. I have to prepare myself for that and not compare myself to others. I am not a failure because I have trouble maintaining my house, or carrying a basket of laundry up the stairs, or repeatedly bending over to unload the dishwasher.

I am not writing this for sympathy, but with the hope that maybe another woman who is struggling can know she’s not alone – that she can find me and let me know that I am not alone. That I am not a failure. That I can’t do it all right now and that it’s alright.

I know I need to manage my expectations, take it easy, and set my priorities. I know that if I pick up all the toys with Q before he goes to bed, that it will cut into the time I can sit on his floor at bedtime and read books and rock him gently. I know that if I go out in the morning, I will need to take a nap in the afternoon. The pressure to do it all is palpable. Although, I am good at not doing things I can’t physically do, the guilt remains. It sucks, but my children and my health have to come first.

I have managed to find a few ways to ease the pain:

Baths: Buoyancy is a wonderful thing.
Maternity support belt: I recently got a support belt that is great for walking and standing. It lifts my belly and takes the pressure off my muscles and my back.
Body pillow or pillow wedge. Though sometimes uncomfortable and annoying, they support my belly when I am asleep. A pillow between my knees also helps take the pressure off my hips.
No heels. This might seem like a given, but it makes a huge difference with balance and hip placement.
Clothing: Sweater-dresses and leggings have saved me. Also, over-the-belly maternity pants offer just a little extra support and don’t cut into my pelvic area like waistbands do.

Aside from those, I am at a loss. I am always open to ways to make myself more comfortable. Suggestions welcome!

Thank you.

How did you get comfortable when you were pregnant?
Do you have any ideas or suggestions for me to ease the pain?
Do you know of any online resources about HMS and pregnancy that I may have missed?

Being Alone: Liberating, not lonely

Posted on November 10, 2010 by Sarah Carmichael

A couple of weeks ago, I had the opportunity to watch this video and see Tanya Davis perform at Blissdom Canada in Toronto.

It was moving.

Tanya is real and genuine and talented. Her words articulate complexity, simply.

I can’t remember ever being afraid to be by myself. I don’t think twice about going to dinner and a movie alone. I look forward to it. It’s always been liberating – to be able to pick up and do something without having to wait for another person or match schedules. When I was younger, I’d go to the club alone and see who I’d see. Sometimes, being alone in a public place – like a mall, or a movie theatre, or a restaurant, or a coffee shop – was a way for me to be by myself but not alone. Anonymous in a crowd.

I think Tanya’s right, though. We fear being alone. We’re taught to believe that our own company is not good enough – or, shouldn’t be. I wonder how that influences our interactions with other people. If our company is not good enough for us, how can we possibly believe it’s good enough for someone else?

Being by myself is restorative. It allows me to connect with my self and remember who I am and why. It permits me to watch the world and listen without immediate distraction and obligation. I must admit that it is nice to have people to come home to now, though. I love that beating hearts wait for me and miss me when I’m gone.

Do you like to be alone? How do you like to spend your time alone?

Stifled

Posted on November 9, 2010 by Sarah Carmichael

This might be the most honest post I’ve ever written – mostly because at this point, I have no intention of publishing it (or maybe I do intend to, but the idea that I won’t frees me up to be raw).

The reality of my blog is that it scares me. It doesn’t scare me in the the way fish scare me, or the way I am afraid when Q leaves the house; the exposure it tempts scares me.

I want it to be perfect and I want my writing to be quality. That stifles me. A lot. I don’t fancy myself a writer and never have. But now, I have this blog and I have suddenly been thrust into that category by many; that label, though an honour, unnerves me.

I like to write funny posts and, sometimes, I think I should write more. They are fun to write and people seem to enjoy them. But, that isn’t where my head is most of the time. My head is always processing and wondering and considering and questioning. I constantly think about things that many people don’t seem to consider – the imperfection of the construct of time, how humans are conditioned to believe things that don’t really make sense when examined closely, why people act the way they do and say the things they say.

I think a lot about quantum level theories, religion & spirituality, social structures & standards, and identity politics – much of which never sees the light of pixel. Deep stuff. Different stuff. Stuff that makes some people uncomfortable because it challenges what they have been taught to believe, what they have chosen to believe, or what they have taken for granted to be absolute truth.

I believe that I give power to what I put out there; what I choose to write reflects who I am. That said, I like to keep my blog positive. I rarely complain or write about negative things because I don’t want to give them power. Those experiences and thoughts don’t deserve my time, attention, or the immortality that the internet offers. With that, I stifle myself further, which has resulted in this impasse, rut, or block that I am currently facing.

Much of it is self-imposed. All of it, I suppose.

I am a blogger and I:

am afraid to expose myself

am unnerved by the title writer

don’t write about the things that preoccupy my mind

refuse to dignify negative thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

That doesn’t sound like a recipe for a great blogger or writer. So, here I sit pondering the future of this public forum and questioning it’s role in my life. Don’t get me wrong, I want to share and I want to discuss. However, at this point I am not sure what to share or how.

I know my blog has been neglected and superficial for a few months now. I am trying to find my voice, my focus, and my desire to continue. I haven’t given up, though. Not yet. Whenever I think I might, I think of this and I can’t help but think I still have something to offer.

To give is priceless

Posted on September 29, 2010 by Sarah Carmichael

A few weeks ago, I met a remarkable woman who continues to inspire me even after only a brief encounter. I needed her help. I was asking of her and she was willing to give. When I asked what I could offer her in return, she said “Don’t worry, I don’t want anything.” I couldn’t accept that. I thought that she was being polite, but that she was really wondering what was in it for her. Upon insisting to compensate her, she said “I like to give and I have something to give that you need. I don’t need to get something back. I am doing this for you, not me.”

Wow.

It seems that in this world I know most people want to know what is in it for me? What do they get out of a given arrangement? How do they benefit? How will they be compensated for their time, money, expertise, knowledge?

That this woman wasn’t the least bit concerned about herself was refreshing and admirable. Imagine if more people approached life and interactions like that. Imagine if most people in this world went through their days thinking what is in it for you? How can I benefit you?

I wonder what would happen if spent my day defaulting to giving what I can instead of getting what I can. I am inclined to think that at the end of the day, I would feel full instead of depleted.

With that, I leave you with this song by one of my all-time favourite artists, K’naan. For those of you who are outside Canada, you can view the video here

… to give is priceless.

The truest and most honest gifts are ones for which you expect nothing in return – not even a thank you. A Lesson in Giving

The power of transparency: Kanye West

Posted on September 4, 2010 by Sarah Carmichael

It’s a little known fact that I follow pop culture. Closely. I keep up with what is happening in the entertainment world and with the people who inhabit it. In fact, at one point in my academic career I considered doing research on the cult of celebrity because it fascinates me so much.

I have my opinions on the goings-ons, stories, and rumours that surround celebrities. Rarely, do I share them – especially publicly. It’s none of my business. It’s about other people’s lives and I don’t generally feel it’s my place to weigh in. Until today. Today, I am contributing my 2 cents about none other than Kanye West.

I am a fan.

I have been a fan of Kanye West since he produced some of my favourite songs on the Brown Sugar soundtrack. He is one of the few artists whose music I have purchased on CD and that I still listen to regularly. He is talented and he has a message if you’re willing to listen.

When he said and did stupid things, I didn’t contribute to the Kanye-bashing. There are people out there doing far worse things than stunting and running their mouths. As far as I was concerned, it was irrelevant. He was throwing around his ego. Big deal. It didn’t affect me at all and it didn’t change how I felt about his music.

It affected him, though.

And this morning, he lay it all bare and told the world how. Over the course of over 70 tweets, Kanye released a stream of consciousness telling his side of the story. His truth. Uncensored. Unedited. Unfiltered by media, publicists, record labels, or managers.

The vulnerability of his tweets fascinated me and the power of his transparency struck me. It is quite possible that he has single-handedly changed the game by removing the filters. Twitter gave him the power to tell his story in his own words without being at the mercy of the editing process of media. He was able to get his words out without being interrupted or bound by anyone else’s agenda.

I think that the implications of this will be beneficial to Kanye and his forth-coming album. I applaud him. So few people, much less celebrities, are willing to be so raw and unedited – to bare themselves and publicly acknowledge their weaknesses and wrong-doings.

Was this a publicity stunt? Perhaps. But, I don’t think it matters. As I am sure Kanye well knows by now, the implication of one’s words and actions are more powerful than the intention behind them. Even if everyone else calls fraud, he has inspired me.

My writing is functionally detached. I know this. It is guarded and bound by fear of rejection. I will defend my actions and own them, but not my words. As a result, I approach deep topics and deeps issues as objectively as possible. Academically, even.

Maybe, just maybe, Kanye has inspired me to expose myself a little more – to lay myself out there and own my words as fiercely as I do my actions. To speak my truth.

My sentiments exactly.

What do you think of Kanye’s tweet stream? Do you think it’s genuine?
How willing are you to expose yourself, unedited?
What filters do your words go through?

Getting to know all about me: An Interview

Posted on September 3, 2010 by Sarah Carmichael

One of my favourite blogger friends, Shannon at Comments from a Non-Blogger, tagged me in this interview meme. I enjoyed getting to know her better from her interview and I hope that this will give you an opportunity to learn a little about me.

Enjoy!

What experience has most shaped you, and why?

I don’t talk about the details of this experience publicly for the sake of the other people involved, but it has shaped me more profoundly than any other in my life. Although this experience was traumatic at the time, it lay the foundation for some of the most important lessons in my life. Through betrayal, it taught me how to forgive. It taught me how to let things go and allow them to help me grow. I learned how to identify the positive aspects of any situation and focus on them. These lessons have influenced how I parent, how I interact with people, and how I view my place in this world. Traumatic as it was, I am beyond grateful for it.

If you had a whole day with no commitments, what would you do?

I’d love to be able to say I’d go to a spa, or read a book over coffee, or something sophisticated like visiting a museum. However, I would probably sleep much of the day and watch TV in my sweats.

What food or drink could you never give up?

I love me some caffeine. I love espresso drinks and cola. I have tried to give up cola a few times in the past – to no avail. It has been a fave of mine since I was a teenager.

If you could travel anywhere, where would that be and why?

I have always wanted to go to southeastern Africa, but right now I am aching to see the ocean and really want to go to Maine where we used to vacation when I was a kid.

If you were leader of your country, what would you do?

If I had the power, I would over-haul the education system. I would make the curriculum inclusive and reflective of all the population. I would make sure that the history children learned actually represented the perspectives of everyone involved.

I would also ensure that social inclusion theory and anti-oppression frameworks were incorporated in the training and education of all teachers.

Give me one easy savoury recipe that doesn’t include cheese.

I love my Shepherd’s Pie. The secret is lots of basil in the ground beef.

What did you think you were going to be when you grew up?

I always knew I would be a mother. When I looked forward in my life, that is what I saw.

If you could spend just one day in someone else’s body, who would it be?

An infant. I think it would be fascinating to see the world through a newborn’s eyes. And, I’d get to sleep whenever I wanted to… I’d even be encouraged to!

Which woman writer – living or dead – do you most admire and why?

bell hooks. I admire that she writes what needs to be read – the intersections of race, class, and gender.

What character trait inspires you the most?

Generosity. People who give unconditionally inspire me. The world needs more people who consider what they can do, provide, offer, or be to make someone else’s life easier.

Which book or books have inspired or touched you the most?

I have quite a few that have inspired me. Richard Bach is the author of 2 of them – One and Illusions. His perspective on life resonates with me and what I know to be true.

What is your favorite family custom?

We don’t really have any. We used to go out for brunch on Sundays, which I loved to do, but it got too costly. Our family is not big on holidays or tradition. I think my favourite ones will be those that develop organically and evolve as Q gets older and understands more.

____________________________________________

Thanks, Shannon, for tagging me in this interview. I like that I got to sink my teeth into some of the questions!

Now, this is my opportunity to tag other bloggers and get to know them better.

Shawn @, What will you be, Pea who is a great friend of mine and a funny daddy blogger.

Maria @ Bored Mommy Blog who is one of the first mommy bloggers I ever read.

Kameron @ a Wrinkle in Time who I actually met in person before reading her blog. I would love to learn more about her.