Category Archives: Letters to Q

A Lesson in Relationships

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Dear Q,

Social constructs and societal expectations have no business in a relationship between two souls. Your body – that which gives you shape and makes you visible – determines your identity in this world, but it doesn’t define you. Your self.

Remember this when you enter a relationship with another.  A healthy relationship is not bound by your physical identity and the expectations that come with it.  You do not represent a collective.  Male.  Black.  You represent your self.  Your true essence.  Be sure that within a relationship, you focus on you and your partner’s individual strengths, desires, and preferences – even if they appear to conflict with what either of you should prefer, desire, or present as a strength.

This world in which we live has a strong pull.  It will influence you in ways that you will  not realize and it will pressure you to do what it expects you to do – what it has conditioned you to do.  And, it will ostracize you, alienate you, and persecute you for daring not to comply.

Resist.  For the sake of your self and your partner.  Resist.  Remember what you know.  Let what you know – what you have always known to be true – guide you.  Have your relationships reflect who you are, not what you have been taught to believe that you are.

Love always,
Mom

A Lesson in Forgiving

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Dear Q,

This is a lesson you taught me.  I am going to remember it for you in case this world makes you forget.

Forgiving is not about forgetting, it’s about letting go.  It is about overcoming your ego and allowing yourself the pleasure of releasing the grudge or negative feeling.   Forgiveness means unconditionally surrendering yourself to the benefits of peace, joy, and love, rather than burdening yourself with the bindings of animosity.

Although this world will give you many reasons to bear grudges and harbour animosity, I hope you can remember what you already know – and allow yourself peace.

Love always,
Mom

A Lesson in the Power of Words

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Dear Q,

Words are symbols; they have no meaning beyond that which is ascribed to them by those who speak them, hear them, write them, or read them.  As symbols, they can be powerful beyond measure.  They can cut wounds deeper than a stone can, then they can pour salt into it and watch it burn.

Be conscious of the words you use.  Be kind and responsible with them.  Be aware of the implications of words, for implication outweighs intention.

Take this lesson from your Nanni:

The N-word evokes an image that I have been trying to banish from my brain my whole life.
I see a man in chains on the auction block, his body scarred and his head hanging down in defeat.
I see a screaming woman, torn from her children, sold to a master who will rape her.
It makes me feel pity for people who don’t need my pity.
They deserve my respect.

Linda Dale 2009

Love Always,
Mom (and Nanni)

A Lesson in Parenting

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Dear Q,

If you ever become a parent, parent your children.  Be there.  Listen.  Learn who they are and what they need.  Sit back and listen to them.  Intently.  Trust their instincts.

Trust your instincts above anything you hear, read, or have been told.  Ignore those who judge you – it’s not about them; it’s about you and your family.

When in doubt, love.

Love always,
Mom

A Lesson in Choices

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Dear Q,

Life is full of choices. Everything you do is a result of the choices that you make, and every choice you make is determined after your options have been weighed – sometimes consciously, sometimes not.  Our free will allows us to makes decisions that impact our lives and the lives around us.  Every choice you make impacts your life to a different degree.  Some choices are life-changing and some seem mundane.

Everyone makes choices for different reasons.  Often, people are not even aware of why they made a specific choice.   Remember that just because you do not understand someone else’s choice, it doesn’t mean that they made the wrong one.

Your choices shape and frame your life.  Be responsible with your choices and ensure that they are in tune with who you are and what you want.  In this world, you are the choices you make – from what you eat, to what you wear.

Be true to your self in the choices you make and remember to be true to your self in your evaluation of other people’s choices.

Love always,

Mom

A Lesson in Education

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Dear Q,

Education is vital to your growth and your perceived worth in this world.  Although it has much to offer, the education system within which you will be raised is deeply flawed.  You will not see yourself reflected in the system and your ancestors will not be represented.  Always remember that there is more to history and knowledge than the contributions and accounts of white men.  There were many, many scientists, philosophers, artists, sculptors, explorers, prophets, and world leaders who were not white and who were not men.

Be sure to educate yourself.  Read.  Observe.  Question.  Learn.  Never stop learning.

Remember that what you are taught to believe is not as important as what you know to be true.

Love always,

Mom

A Lesson in interactions

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Dear Q,

This is a hard lesson to learn, but it is important to remember.  How you interact with other people reflects a lot about your self.  Make every interaction count.  Make it nice.  Make it kind.  Make it meaningful.  It may seem easier to be mean, sarcastic, insulting, and petty – especially if others interact with you in that way.  What do you gain from those – meanness, sarcasm, insults?  Ego-stroking.  People pull others down in order to try to build themselves up, make themselves look cool, or to gain power.  Ultimately, that doesn’t work.  It may appear to, but it will catch up with you.

Every other human is a reflection of your self.  We are all manifestations of the same essence.  How you treat others is how you treat your self.  I am not saying to ‘treat others how you wish to be treated.’  I am saying, ‘how you treat others is how you are treating your self.’  We are different embodiments of the same.  We are all the same essence in different bodies and physical forms.

Think of a soap bubbles.  Inside each bubble is air. The air has always existed, but the soap gives each bubble its shape and makes it visible. When a bubble bursts, the air still exists.   We are like bubbles.  We are all the same essence made temporarily visible by our physical form.

When you interact with other human physical forms, remember that they are just different manifestations of you; they are bubbles of the same air.

Love always,
Mom

A Lesson in identity

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Dear Q,

Human identity is almost  entirely based upon the physical form – the body.  Our gender, our race, our ability status, our age, our sexual orientation, our sexuality, etc, are attributes of our physical selves.  Everything except what we know is attached to our physical form.  Our physical form determines our worth.  Right or wrong, that is what I know about the world in which we live.

Our physical form embodies us.  It makes us visible and gives us shape.  Our bodies enable us, and they limit us.  You will not be able to escape the labels that people put upon you based upon your physical form, but remember that it does not represent the essence of you.  It is temporary and when you leave Earth, it will stay here.  You will still exist.

Love,
Mom