Today, I am saturated. I am running low on energy, patience, perspective, and sanity.
I have a good kid. Q is amazingly well-behaved and doesn’t really live up to the terrible of two. He rarely to never throws tantrums and he is an absolute dream in public. He doesn’t act out or yell or even outright refuse to do things we ask of him. He is remarkably accommodating and says okay more often than no.
But, he’s not perfect and the last two days have made that abundantly clear. He throws. Everything. He throws food. He throws toys. He will throw anything he can get his hands on. He doesn’t seem to think about what or who he might hit. He just throws. He always has.
The other day, someone said “if throwing is all you have to worry about, then you have it made!” Not really. Not when he throws a truck at a 2 month old. Not when he throws his food all over the floor and across the room during every single meal. Not when he throws a metal car in my face, or a shoe at my head when I am driving. No, I don’t have it made because this throwing has the potential to cause serious damage.
He has been throwing indiscriminately since he figured out how. It’s been an on-going problem that I was hoping he would have grown out of by now – at almost 2 and a half.
I am really at a loss as to how to stop it. Nothing has worked. If he throws a toy, he automatically loses it. He doesn’t care. He just goes and finds something else. Once, we took all his hard toys away so he couldn’t break anything or hurt anybody. He didn’t care; he happily played with stuffed animals. We have taken away TV privileges, but he doesn’t associate it to his behaviour. We give him time-outs, and he just sits there quietly, unfazed.
Nothing seems to have an impact. We have made preventative efforts, too. We don’t allow balls in the house because we don’t want to encourage him to throw anything inside. He is also not allowed metal cars until he can learn not to throw them because they can cause real damage. And, toys are banned in the car.
So, what else can we do?
Does anyone else have a thrower?
Has anyone found anything that has worked to stop it?
What suggestions do you have for me? Help?
Everything I was going to suggest you’ve tried, and considering our own challenges with discipline, I’m not sure you’d want to try anything we have. My only advice is to try not reacting when you can and see if it’s about that. Otherwise I’m at a loss! (PS X is shaping up to be a thrower I think, so I”ll be picking your brain!)
We’ve tried ignoring (especially re: food) and it hasn’t made a difference). Sometimes, it might be for attention, but definitely not always. It’s so hard to know why he does it.
Good luck with X – I am not sure how much help I’ll be seeing how effective we’ve been with Q. :/
That is a tough one. My daughter (3) is one who doesn’t seem to care when she is in trouble, time out, toys taken away, etc. She is just now (at 3) starting to get upset sometimes at time outs.
Honestly the only thing that has ever changed her behavior is the one spanking she got (which I understand many people don’t agree with) and the two times we have put her to bed with no dinner. For playing, throwing, spilling, not eating.
Good Luck, I wish I had a better answer!
Melissa, I think hubs is at that stage and willing to try anything to make a difference. I’m not willing to spank him.
When he throws his food, the natural consequence is that he doesn’t have anything to eat. I don’t give him more.
Discipline. Find something that works. Time outs. Taking away a favorite toy or movie. I’d he’s thowing at meals move h away from the table for 2 minutes then try again. If he continues to throwing him again. Id that doesn’t work then end the meal and try again. Be consistent. It’s hard. Really hard. But kids need limits and consequences.
I hope the helps. We’re goin throug similar phases. Some weeks are good. Some are not. Email me if you need to talk to a fellow mom of a 2 year old boy.
Thanks, Allison. When he throws at meals, we take his food away for a few minutes and then let him try again. I don’t want him to go hungry and I don’t want him to just eat after the fact… such a tough call. When he dumps everything on the floor is when I struggle most because I know it’s an deliberate act of defiance.
I don’t know what to tell you. We too have a thrower, but L throws only balls. He seems to know that is what you throw and always has.
You seem to have tried everything you can. I find Time Outs pretty ineffective as well. They forget the minute you let them out. Have you searched the internet?
I love Q and I do know he is a good kid and isn’t doing it to hurt or harm anyone, he just picks something up and throws it. If it is in his hand it is a projectile.
Ich – this is a tough one.
If it’s in his hand, it’s a projectile. Exactly! It’s not malicious or even intentional. But, if he has something in his hand, chances are good that he’ll throw it. It’s so frustrating and I am getting discouraged because nothing seems to work. Ever.
My heart goes out to you! I have no new ideas, but perhaps a glimmer of hope. My four yr old throws things too, always has done. When he was one/two it was pretty indiscriminate and nothing worked because he didn’t really associate his punishment with his behaviour. But, now he’s four, he still throws things when he is angry, but much less frequently and he does now care that we remove privileges when it happens. I think its just he is older, I can’t really take credit for it because we do nothing different now than we did before. I know this is of no practical use to you, but maybe it will help to know that there will be an end to it however long it takes your little one to get there! Good Luck!
Your reaction is key. You’re not going to see any sort of instant fix, so make sure you consistently appear unfazed at the throwing. Take away the toy he throws. Take away the next toy he throws. After that, I’d do a 2 minute time out with you sitting on a chair and him on your lap with his back to you. I hold Abs’ arms to her side gently so she can’t flail, and she knows this means business.
But, she still throws things…so you might not want to listen to me
Rest assured, this is totally normal behavior for this age!
Yes, reaction. As time goes on, I have become less and less patient with him. If I appear unfazed and just take away the toy without saying anything, that might have more impact… good point. Thanks, LZ!
Oh Sarah, that’s really hard.
Both my kids went through that. And like you’re experiencing, nothing worked. Just time.
(I know, that’s really a crap answer, but it’s true)
Learning to stay on top of it is key, but it’s also tiring and a pain the ass. Paige really didn’t care either. She would laugh and find something else. Eventually tire of the game and move on to something else until she remembered that she could throw something, anything, and started again.
Frustrating… and so hard, because, like Q, my kids are really good kids. But they go through these weird phases of things.
Hang in there…
Not a crap answer! It’s good to know I am not alone and that he’s not the only one. Annoying and frustrating as it is, knowing that it comes with his age is a comfort.
I think 2 1/2 is a really hard age to discipline. Frankly, the world is a pretty awful place for and with a two year old. Lots of boundaries imposed – social and behavioral. I think he throws because he can. Even with the consequences (which he may not yet conceptually grasp as cause-effect) Throwing is pure unrestrained power. Two year olds don’t have much power, hence the expression of rage in tantrums and throwing. When you think about it, even throwing a tantrum is throwing. Tell me where and with whom he spends his days and whether he throws in every situation. A short term solution is to remove the projectiles. He’s not ready to have free access without endangering himself or others. Don’t worry. It won’t continue when self-regulation and outcome avoidance are possible for him.
I really appreciate your perspective, Karen!
I think you’re right. I don’t think he grasps the cause and effect re: consequences. That is one of the reasons I struggle with it.
I try to empower him as much as I can – respecting him as a person and guiding him through his life while keeping in mind his stage of development and limitations as a result of his inexperience. It’s a tough balance.
It’s so tough when they understand as much as a two-year-old does, but you can’t yet reason with them. My son is just a few months younger than Q, I think. He did go through a throwing stage and we’ve mostly been successful with time outs and taking the thrown toys away.
The only difference in the way I’ve done things based on one of your comments is that I have put Brandon to bed without dinner (that’s generally the most volatile meal of the day). I did this on the advice of a friend who works with children in healthcare and she told me that – on occasion – there’s no reason to worry about hunger from skipping a meal if your child has two good meals in the day. So, it may not be an option if Q doesn’t eat well.
Going to bed without dinner barely phased Brandon – he didn’t wake up hungry in the night either. He didn’t put up much of a fuss, but his behavior has improved at dinnertime so I think it was effective.
The only other suggestion I could think of that hasn’t already been mentioned is pointing out and rewarding(?) positive behavior. Praise him for the times he does well and eventually he’ll recognize which behaviors generate positive attention versus negative.
Wow – so hard! No answers here either – my son occasionally throws things, but not as often! I think you’ve already done most everything that I would do! (except we do use spanking as a method of discipline). I think the person who suggested putting him to bed without dinner & not trying again with the food probably had a good idea, but I don’t know if I’d be able to carry it out either!
I liked the suggestion about praising him effusively when he succeeds as well (though I’m sure you already do).
The only other thought I had is that when he throws something, take it away, but then get down on his level, take his hands and firmly say, “No. We. Do. Not. Throw.” But maybe you’ve already tried that, too! I hope you figure something out soon!
After reading all of the advice so far (it’s all good, imo), my brain went a completely different direction.
Set aside time for throwing.
It may be crazy to think that you’d want to encourage the bahaviour, but if it’s presented as “this is when we throw”, it may (eventually) put boundaries on the behaviour.
So maybe take him out in the yard every day for 30 minutes and do nothing but play catch. After all, it’s not throwing that’s the problem, it’s knowing when it’s ok – and when it’s not. If he throws something at an inappropriate time, you can ask when it would have been appropriate (ie: playing catch)
He’s a smart kid, eventually he’ll sort out when it’s ok to throw. In the meantime, I’d start calling around to MLB scouts…
I think you are onto something. Before the intense heat, we used to go throw rocks at the waterfront and when he picked up a rock anywhere else he’d say “Frow rocks at big water!”
I think I’ll start doing something like that – maybe first thing in the morning. Give him a safe place to throw at will.
btw, I once had a retired baseball scout approach me at an indoor playground!
(I didn’t read all the comments.) It sounds like you’ve tried most of the things that we have done with M&J. J in particular is a thrower of food. He does it to get attention because he’s not talking yet. M throws occasionally just to be a PITA!
One other thing that I have done is make them pick up the food on the floor and clean it up. When they were younger they always had to wait until the floor was clean before they were allowed out of their chairs (Snapped into booster seats). They were not always patient with that but I think the consistency helped a bit with not throwing.
Now if they throw food, they have to help pick it up and if they don’t want to pick it up (M), then they get a time out. No options. Tonight I even threatened to put M to bed. He cleaned up the floor. I do help while he is cleaning up.
Good Luck
I have had Q clean it up, but I`ve discovered that he likes to clean it. Today, I cleaned it while he was in a T/O and it bothered him. He even said “Mommy, I wanna clean!” That might be an angle to explore…
Oh Q… as an aunt, not a parent, I think you are doing everything you can, Z throws too sometimes, I think it’s just a phase. I love Colin’s thought process and think that that is worth a try, also reinforcing the positive attitudes really helps as he will begin to recognize it isn’t ok to hurt someone or something just because he’s content to throw. Hope it gets better soon or that you get some more helpful feedback.
I agree with Colin. With my complicated children come many such challenges. I have learned that if they want to jump on beds, give them a safe place to jump. If they want to make piles of blankets, give them blankets to play with (not grandmothers quilt) Kids will do what kids will do. It’s up to us as parents to h guide them in making good choices. Having a stuffed animal juggling session might just be what the whole family needs! Enjoy!
Good idea! Maybe instead of discouraging from throwing anything and everything, we should encourage him to throw harmless things instead.
Thanks for your perspective, Pauline!
I like the suggestions of encouraging him to throw things that are safe (as per Pauline) and a designated time to throw (as per Colin). When L does throw things that are not acceptable things to throw we direct him back to the ones that are. He has a few balls that are meant only for rolling in the house and he accepts that, forgets sometimes, but it just takes reminding and he is good.
As for the throwing of food, I agree with the few suggestions that you take away for a few mins, give it back if it happens again no more dinner. One meal now and again won’t hurt. We’ve done that as well with Liam when he is being naughty at the table. If he is hungry later he gets the rest of that meal, but he will not get anything other than that. We’ve only done it a few times and so far it has worked. He doesn’t throw his food, but he ocassionaly acts out at the table, so this has been our solution. One or two times doing that and showing him you mean business about the food throwing may solve that issue. I don’t know….
I don’t have time to read the other replies so I apologise if this repeats what others have said.
I’d encourage the throwing behaviour but in a way that is acceptable to you. Start by making throwing an outside game. Go outside and play throw & catch every 30 minutes. Get lots of different types of things he can throw (balls, bean bags etc) and receptacles for him to chuck them in to, (boxes, baskets, hoops, buckets). Every time he throws inappropriately take him out doors and let him fling to his hearts content. Eventually he’ll either tire of it or atleast he’s doing it in a controlled fashion. Plus he’ll develop great hand-eye co-ordination!
WRT the food throwing, I be tempted to just give him one food item at a time. I mean one slice of apple or one chip etc. If it gets eaten then great, give another. If it gets thrown then the meal is over for 30 minutes. Repeat.
Neither of these are quick fixes but if you do them calmly and consistently I reckon you’ll see a change.
Good luck. I have two climbers which is a whole new set of problems, I’m sure half their genes are monkey!
There’s that little baseball slugger showing off his skills again! LOL! I know, not funny when it’s food or in the car, etc.
I agree with Colin and others that Q should have some ‘throwing time’. Try to teach him that throwing is only with balls (or only outside) – like an indoor/outdoor voice rule. Then give him that time to do it. Maybe he will blow off enough steam that way.
Good luck!
I think Colin’s on the right track. (Aren’t brothers great!) If you take him outside to play catch, he might start picking up balls and saying, “Frow ball outside.”
It would be good exercise for you, too, considering the arm he’s got on him. Maybe you should dig out your old baseball glove!
Yup, I think playing catch would work. As long as he doesn’t start picking up balls and saying, “Frow ball at Mommy!” lol
I think finding safe ways to explore throwing is good. We have a few stuffed balls and a couple inflated ones for in house play. Even outside, we didn’t throw hard things with my first. I remember conversations like this: we don’t throw rocks. You may drop the rock. Rocks stay on the ground….
Discipline is so tough with kids. You know better then anyone what your son cares about, what impacts him. You will know what will help him learn to control himself. When my daughter was just three, a teacher told a classmate of her’s, “you make a choice, stop doing XYZ or I will have to ABC (the specifics don’t matter). Remember, I cant control your body. You control your body.” How often do we remind our kids that they have power to change things? Especially positively?
Which reminds me — for my girl, it’s all about praise. If I want a behavior changed, I have to catch her doing it right and praise praise praise her. Sometimes I catch her just before she starts doing something forbidden and say wow, good job for stopping yourself before you hit your sister. I am so proud of you.
That got long. Sorry.