s a r a h c a s m

In a matter of hours my son will be two years old.  I am so proud of him.  He is an amazing, good-natured kid.  Everyday I think I could not possibly love him more, and then a new day dawns and proves me wrong.

As he gets older (or more significantly, as I get older) I will forget the details of who he is today.  I won’t remember the small things that make him, him right now.

• His favourite colour is orange

• His favourite dinosaur is the triceratops

• His favourite letter is W

• He loves to eat fruit, specifically blueberries

• He loves to play with cars, trucks, trains, and anything that moves

• He is naturally athletic and has an amazing arm

• In bed, he needs his 3 giraffes, 2 monkeys, and one baby piled around him

• His favourite saying is “Boom shaka, Boom!”

Every day is a new adventure and I welcome each one (even though they are not always fun).  I anticipate and look forward to seeing him grow and learn and carve out his own place in this world.

Happy Birthday, Bubs!

It’s winter… and there is no snow.  It’s cold and there is nothing outside to play in!

What’s a mom to do?  Yup!  Indoor playground.  Q loves them, and so do I!

Ball pit! (I know they are gross, but he has SO much fun in it, so I grin and bear it!)

*photos taken with BlackBerry, so not best quality.

Dear Q,

Social constructs and societal expectations have no business in a relationship between two souls. Your body – that which gives you shape and makes you visible – determines your identity in this world, but it doesn’t define you. Your self.

Remember this when you enter a relationship with another.  A healthy relationship is not bound by your physical identity and the expectations that come with it.  You do not represent a collective.  Male.  Black.  You represent your self.  Your true essence.  Be sure that within a relationship, you focus on you and your partner’s individual strengths, desires, and preferences – even if they appear to conflict with what either of you should prefer, desire, or present as a strength.

This world in which we live has a strong pull.  It will influence you in ways that you will  not realize and it will pressure you to do what it expects you to do – what it has conditioned you to do.  And, it will ostracize you, alienate you, and persecute you for daring not to comply.

Resist.  For the sake of your self and your partner.  Resist.  Remember what you know.  Let what you know – what you have always known to be true – guide you.  Have your relationships reflect who you are, not what you have been taught to believe that you are.

Love always,
Mom

Dear Q,

This is a lesson you taught me.  I am going to remember it for you in case this world makes you forget.

Forgiving is not about forgetting, it’s about letting go.  It is about overcoming your ego and allowing yourself the pleasure of releasing the grudge or negative feeling.   Forgiveness means unconditionally surrendering yourself to the benefits of peace, joy, and love, rather than burdening yourself with the bindings of animosity.

Although this world will give you many reasons to bear grudges and harbour animosity, I hope you can remember what you already know – and allow yourself peace.

Love always,
Mom

Dear Q,

Words are symbols; they have no meaning beyond that which is ascribed to them by those who speak them, hear them, write them, or read them.  As symbols, they can be powerful beyond measure.  They can cut wounds deeper than a stone can, then they can pour salt into it and watch it burn.

Be conscious of the words you use.  Be kind and responsible with them.  Be aware of the implications of words, for implication outweighs intention.

Take this lesson from your Nanni:

The N-word evokes an image that I have been trying to banish from my brain my whole life.
I see a man in chains on the auction block, his body scarred and his head hanging down in defeat.
I see a screaming woman, torn from her children, sold to a master who will rape her.
It makes me feel pity for people who don’t need my pity.
They deserve my respect.

Linda Dale 2009

Love Always,
Mom (and Nanni)