For months, I have been thinking about how reciprocity fits into online communities and living online.  Recently, I’ve had a number of discussions on blogs and Twitter about what really boils down to the pressure of reciprocity.  (Are my anthropology roots showing?)

In the context of anthropology, there are a few types of reciprocity.  In my opinion, the one that best suits online interactions is called balanced reciprocity.

Balanced or Symmetrical reciprocity occurs when someone gives to someone else, expecting a fair and tangible return at some undefined future date. It is a very informal system of exchange. The expectation that the giver will be repaid is based on trust and social consequences

(I got this definition from wikipedia, but it is near identical to everything I found in my old textbooks – and easier to cite).

What is interesting about that definition is that it can apply to blog comments, Facebook friends requests, Twitter mentions, blogrolls, Twitter follows, Twitter listings, blog subscriptions, even emails.  The interesting thing about it is that oftentimes, specifically with Twitter, the giver doesn’t know the receiver and may have never even interacted with that person.

Expectation is a powerful thing and the burden of obligation weighs heavy on our fingertips.  It is a lot of pressure to keep up – to reciprocate.

I don’t believe that it is necessary to reciprocate everything.  We need to cut ourselves some slack, be selective, and allow ourselves to have a balanced experience instead of getting caught up in balancing our experiences with others’.

It is important to me to read blog posts that speak to me and comment when I have something to say.  I don’t like to leave empty comments any more than I like to get them. That said, I do feel the need to support blogs I read and bloggers I like.

As for Twitter, there is no need to only follow people who follow back.  In fact, that is a good way to miss out on a lot of great information, inspiration, and perspective.   If I find value in someone’s tweets who doesn’t find value in mine, that is ok; everyone is on Twitter for different reasons.  It would be inefficient to follow everyone who follows me and I think it is unreasonable to expect everyone I follow to follow me back.

Reciprocity is vital to online communities and networking.  Undoubtedly.  However, reciprocating everything is inefficient, time-consuming, and unnecessary.  Attaching too many strings to our online experience diminishes it.  Online, our most valuable gifts are words; they are the currency.  Let’s give and receive them freely. 

I am currently sitting outside with the breeze blowing my hair in my face, writing with a pen on paper.

As my son digs for ladybugs and throws his plastic golf club in the budding lilac, I feel peace.  I chat with him as I write;  this pad posing nowhere near the barrier my laptop does.

There is a simplicity in this arrangement – a simplicity that I crave while being pulled to live online.

My paper is now stained with bubbles that have met their demise to the sounds of my son screeching in delight.  Simple things -  pen to paper, delight, bubbles, ladybugs…

It is in these moments that I strike a balance – when my online complements my offline without interfering with it.

Back to basics. Pen in hand.

I love living online; I’ve been doing it for 15 years – interacting with people, building relationships, and meeting wonderful people who have enriched my life.  People who have become dear friends.  But, living online has to fit into my life – the life that doesn’t need a computer to exist, or a wireless connection to thrive.

As I watch my son leave a plate of dirty cucumber slices out for the squirrels, I realize how much I take for granted in this world I know – a simplicity and an appreciation for what is right before my eyes and in reach of not only my fingertips, but my arms.

… or not so much.

Follow Friday.  Every Friday morning I open my twitter feed and it’s flooded with #ff, #FF, #followfriday, etc (ad infinitum).  Now, for as long as I’ve been on Twitter, I have never understood the trend.  I mean, I get the idea, but to me it kinda smacks of a forced commercial holiday that makes you feel obligated to buy a card and ‘celebrate’ some arbitrarily designated special day ’cause everyone else is doing it… Valentine’s day comes to mind (so does Mothers’ Day. Don’t hate.)

Why do we need to dedicate a day to recommendations?  Can’t that happen all week long – as you discover interesting people, you pass them along to your friends?  Try “Check out @example. We just had a really interesting convo about xyz.”  If  your followers are interested, they will check it out.  Otherwise, it’s just a popularity contest.

I find it interesting that very few (if any) of the social media peeps I follow on Twitter participate in #ff.  There’s probably a reason for that…

Recently, I have read countless blog posts and tweets about Twitter followings.  I’ve read about how to get followers, how to lose followers, how to get 10 000 followers overnight, and the debate on whether I should or not.  I have read  so many references to Twitter following, that I can’t remember where I read anything.

Who is with me on it doesn’t matter!?  Twitter is not a numbers game.  It is not a popularity contest for which the number of followers is what matters.  Followers are not the currency of Twitter.  10 000 passive recipients of a tweet is not productive or meaningful.  Quality over quantity.

The currency of Twitter is RT – 2 letters.  Retweeting, not your following, is what gets your message out to people.  An RT gets your message out to people who don’t follow you and, thus, leverages other peoples’ networks.  If you tweet value, people will share your message (some might say that value is the currency of Twitter, but value is subjective, so I’m sticking to RT).

“But, Sarah, you need followers to get RTd!”  That is true (well, not always,  but I’ll run with it).  How many followers you have is not as important as what kind of followers you have.  If you have 10 000 followers who couldn’t care less, what good does that do you? I could tweet some keywords and get some bots to follow me to raise my following.  Good for me.  Not only does that not get me anywhere, it does nothing for my legitimacy or authenticity.

Now, I know this isn’t a new concept. Tweeps know the value of RT.   So with that said, let’s stop obsessing about following and focus on what really helps get the word out (whatever the word may be – Perez is currently one of choice.  Like I said, value is subjective).

Today, I presented the social media strategy that I had developed for my current employer.  During the developmental process, I realized  how much I already know that I had not given myself credit for!  Quickly, I became the resident social media ‘expert.’

I really enjoyed the entire developmental process.  I successfully integrated my personal passion for social media with my job!  Now, I know what it feels like to get paid to do what I love instead of doing what I do to get paid.

I am proud of this strategy,  though I will not be implementing it.  When it comes to social media strategies, I would rather ‘teach to fish’ than ‘give a fish,’ whether it be for marketing/promotion, fundraising, or advocacy.  I think that it is so important to build capacity and share the knowledge and skills.

I look forward to more opportunities in social media strategizing and coaching!

Today, I wrote a Social Media 101 presentation for the staff at my work.  It was a great way to spend my day, actually.  While I was writing, I realized just how many social media applications I’ve used over the past 15 years!

I may not have called it social media, but I’ve been connecting with people online in a variety of ways since the early 90s.  I remember when ICQ was revolutionary and chat rooms were accessible, free, and a bit scary!  It wasn’t even that long ago that Facebook had a drop-down menu for status updates and MySpace wasn’t for musicians.

As I developed my Social Media 101, I realized that I have basically been doing social media from the beginning (or at least since it was widely accessible).  I have met people online, forged friendships & relationships, and found invaluable information!

Someone told me the other day that anyone claiming to be a social media expert is lying.  Interesting.  Social media and its applications are in constant flux.  The next big thing is soon to be so last year. No one can ever know everything, but some do know more than others.

A wise man once told me that “you don’t do social media, you are social media.”  That means that I am social media, and chances are that if you are reading this, you are too.

I spent today at NetChange, specifically MyCharityConnects.  Although it wasn’t exactly what I anticipated, today was really valuable.  I was expecting a Social Media conference more than a Charity conference, but that is probably a result of my own assumptions (the name kinda spells it out.  Oh well).  I was nervous because I was expecting more Social Media experts, but was right at home with my fellow non-profit people.

Nonetheless, I received some really valuable information on e-advocacy from a session by Eric Squair that will help me expand my advocacy skills into social media, effectively!  Some of what @ericsquair had to say really resonated with what I already know (which means I’m not totally in left field), but some other stuff made me think about messaging and campaigns in different ways and got me thinking about different approaches.  Awesome inspiration.

The challenge now will be to retain the ideas that were generated, which are now slowly percolating in my head.

Back at it tomorrow!  I will be attending a session on how to generate a following on Twitter (might come in handy considering my 65 followers, many of whom are likely bots!)