s a r a h c a s m

Dear Q,

Life is full of choices. Everything you do is a result of the choices that you make, and every choice you make is determined after your options have been weighed – sometimes consciously, sometimes not.  Our free will allows us to makes decisions that impact our lives and the lives around us.  Every choice you make impacts your life to a different degree.  Some choices are life-changing and some seem mundane.

Everyone makes choices for different reasons.  Often, people are not even aware of why they made a specific choice.   Remember that just because you do not understand someone else’s choice, it doesn’t mean that they made the wrong one.

Your choices shape and frame your life.  Be responsible with your choices and ensure that they are in tune with who you are and what you want.  In this world, you are the choices you make – from what you eat, to what you wear.

Be true to your self in the choices you make and remember to be true to your self in your evaluation of other people’s choices.

Love always,

Mom

… it’s not like I’m gonna change your mind.

I have a bittersweet relationship with online mommies.  Until very recently, I haven’t found much positivity or support online from other mothers – actually, there has been a lot of negativity, judgment, blaming, and opinion-imposition. Thankfully, I’ve found some great mommies here, here, here, here, here, and here… (not an exhaustive list, and in no particular order).  Now, there’s a lot more sweet, and a lot less bitter.  Recently,  everyone banded together in support of one who was judged and branded a bad mother (by another online mommy, presumably. Like she’d know).

I feel lucky that my offline friends (yes, I said offline… as in ‘real life’) and I are pretty much on the same page when it comes to parenting.  If we aren’t, we don’t judge each other for the choices we make – some of us breastfed, some of us didn’t.  Some of us let our babies cry it out, some of us didn’t.  Some of us fed our kids the ‘wrong’ food early, and some of us introduced solids by the book. And, we’re all still friends!  How did that happen?  (It’s a novel concept, I know).

My friends are not my problem.  They know me and my parenting style.  They know that everything I do is in the best interest of Q.  And like I’ve said before, my son is the only expert on my son – we are a distant second, but we do our best.

I feel the judgment though -  from strangers (who do these stranger people think they are, anyway?).   I see it at the playgrounds mostly – when my son goes down the slide alone *gasp* or runs fearlessly in and around older kids who could *gasp* knock him down.  He’ll be ok.  He needs to explore his environment and learn to negotiate challenges and obstacles and older kids.  I keep him safe, but I don’t need to hold his hand 24/7.  In fact, I think it’s healthier for him if I don’t.  That’s my choice.

I feel the stares and I see other mothers run to my kid after he’s fallen down on the carpeted floor at the indoor playground *gasp.* I haven’t abandonned him; I am right there watching him get right back up and bolt to the nearest ball.  I know him and he knows I’m there.

My son is 18 months old and he makes his own choices.  He makes decisions and learns from the outcomes.  And, if he doesn’t learn, he will. He needs to.

So, to all of you strangers who are concerned for my son’s safety, I assure you that I am more concerned about his safety that you are and care more about him that you do – that is why I give him space to discover his world for himself.

I have no extra energy to waste worrying about what strangers think about me and I am not going to compromise my parenting methods to impress anyone I either don’t know or don’t like.  More importantly, I am not going to feel guilty about it – there is too much of that going around, already.  So, MYOB!

Dr. Seuss said it best…“those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter”