This is a tale about a little bead and an ear…

8:00 a.m.: I am lying on the floor in Q’s room and he is reading books to me.

“Mommy, you tired?”

“Yes, honey”

He goes to his bed, grabs his blanket and drapes it over me

“Here, mommy”

Then, he proceeds to surround me with stuffed animals and his pillow. Aw, I think, he is so sweet!.

“Go to sleep, mommy” I will have to remember to tweet this so everyone knows how sweet and awesome my kid is.

A minute or so later, he touches my ear (which is totally normal for him because he plays with ears as he falls asleep). Score! Back to bed!

“It’s fits” What?!

“What fits?”

“Bean in ear”

Slowly… “what do you mean? What bean?”

I tip my head a little yellow bead falls out of my ear. It is a bead from one of the maracas I had bought for him from the dollar store. It had smashed when he decided to use it as a drumstick – little beads flew everywhere. I thought I’d gotten them all. Evidently, not.

“Honey, it is not safe to put things in ears! That’s dangerous!”

“Other bead in ear”

“Is there another bead in mommy’s ear?”

“Yes”

*insert assorted expletives that may or may not have been said out loud.

I feel in my ear and sure enough, there is something hard and small. Knowing I could never get it out myself, I get us dressed and to the walk-in clinic.

9:00 a.m.: I see the doctor.

“It looks like you have a small, white, bead-like thing in your ear” Oh, really? I hadn’t noticed. Thanks.

“I am not sure I can get it out, but I’ll try” Awesome.

After inserting some kind of instrument into my ear he says “Nope, can’t get it. Actually, I think I might have pushed it in farther. You’ll have to go to the ER.” Perfect. Thanks, doc. Way to help a girl out.

Thankfully, my friend, Lisa, offers to watch Q while I go to the ER to get a bead extracted from my ear. For a second, I considered bringing him because I couldn’t think of better punishment for getting me in this mess. But, then I decided that it would be worse for me. So, as punishment for putting a bead in my ear, Q got to go play with his best bud.

10:03 a.m.: I tell the triage nurse in the ER what is wrong.

“Are you serious? How?”

“My 2yo put it in there”

“Oh! I have a 2yo. They are something else!” Don’t I know it.

Looking at the form she says “Hmm… foreign body in an adult’s ear. How am I going to explain this? They better not laugh at you!” At this point, I’m laughing, so they might as well be.

I get outfitted with a nifty wristband with my name on it and a GPS tracking device that I have to clip to my shirt so they can find me if I wander away (which was actually tempting).

12:00 p.m.: the doctor comes in the room trying to hide a smirk.

“So, you have a bead in your ear?”

“Yup”

“I can get it out”

He attaches a little suction thing in my ear, tells me to hold it there, and leaves the room. I suction my ear thinking that it can’t possibly be good for it, but what do I know? It’s better than the bead. He comes back with scissor-looking-like-things, inserts them into my ear and pulls out the bead. Finally!

“Here you go” he says as he drops it into my hand.

“Oh, and take these as a souvenir” he says, handing me the scissor-looking-like-things. He must have known I’m a blogger because what other use could I possibly have for these bad boys?

What’s the moral of the story?

Don’t trust a 2 year old who tells you to go to sleep

or

Don’t buy toys at the dollar store because they are crap and they break.

Take your pick.