Today, I am honoured to be featured as a guest blogger on Coffees and Commutes! My post is entitled My Fantasy Future.
Thanks to Christine for giving me the opportunity!
click this image for more info on the Won’t you be my Neighbour
Hug your children. Appreciate every second you have with them (even if they make you want to pull out your hair). There are no guarantees of tomorrow & if tomorrow never came, you would kill for another temper tantrum.
Each day is precious; cherish it and be grateful that it has been given to you.
Dear Evolutionary Process,
Teething is a design flaw. When you have a free minute, I implore you to review it and consider some changes. As much as I can appreciate the value of teeth and the role they have played in survival of the fittest, I fail to see the benefit of subjecting babies to the pain of 20 hard, sharp objects cutting through their tender gums during the first 2 years of life.
I’m not sure that babies being born with teeth is the answer, but I am sure that with your infinite creativity, you can come up with something that I cannot even imagine. However, if you decide that being born with teeth is the best option, I have some humble recommendations for you to consider:
I regret having to point out a flaw in our design, but I trust you will consider my humble request for the sake of infants yet to come.
Thank you for your time (and other things – like, opposing thumbs and bipedalism)
Sincerely,
Sarah
The other day, I was at the park with my son. While we were there, the local school let out and the playground flooded with high schoolers. There was a group of about 5 relatively close to where we were swinging who were talking about finally being in Grade 9. I didn’t pay much attention to them, although sometimes it was hard not to overhear their conversations.
As my 18 month old son was innocently swinging, two more young people arrived (of about the same age). One of the girls who had been hanging out said “Finally! I’ve been waiting for you!” So, it was obvious that they were familiar with each other. One of the boys who had been hanging out was white and greeted the approaching boy with “Hey, there’s black boy!” The white boy continued, saying “I saw this black guy telling black jokes, and they were so funny!” He proceeded to tell the jokes (which I have heard before, but won’t repeat).
The two youth who had been approaching, both of whom were black, continued to walk. They walked right by the group of their peers. Right by the girl who had been waiting for them. The white boy called after them “Hey, black boy! Where are you going?” They kept walking, silently, until they were out of sight. The girl who’d been waiting, who was white, called after them and looked perplexed when they ignored her. She said to her friends “Where’d they go? Why didn’t they stop?” Why didn’t they stop? Really?
Soon after that, the white boy was cursing loudly. The white girl said “Watch your language! There are kids around!!” Wow. I would rather my son hear him swear than to have him be subjected to the racism that we had just witnessed. I would rather him hear “shit” than black jokes, anyday!
This is what my son has to look forward to. Regardless of what he says, what he does, or what he thinks, he will be the “black boy.” What kind of world do we live in where white children judge and mistreat black children based on their racial identity? Where are they learning supremacist ideologies? Who is teaching it to them and how is it being reinforced?
I am glad that Q’s father is here to help him through this because I can never know what it is like to be oppressed because of my racial identity. I can acknowledge my whiteness and recognize the privilege that comes with that, but I can never live the torment of that child on the playground, and I can never put myself in my son’s shoes when he comes home from school and says that someone called him the n-word.
This is not ok.
For more information on white privilege, please read this article. If you disagree with my take on racism, power, and privilege, I would greatly appreciate it if you read the article before commenting. Thank you.
Other information on racism in Canada.
Videos of Tim Wise talking about white privilege.
So, my last employment contract ended almost a month ago. Ever since, I’ve been a Stay At Home Mom. However, for a stay-at-home-mom, I somehow manage to hardly ever stay home!
Although I hope to be promoted to a WAHM (work at home mom), I am relishing this guilt-free time at home with my son. This is the best job I’ve ever had! It’s challenging, but I prefer to be the one navigating the challenges.
My days are completely different than when I was working. No day is the same and each is an adventure in its own way. We decide, together, what we will be doing. I sometimes pretend that I am in control, but it’s a collaborative effort; my plans can easily be derailed by a bad mood, fever, or extra long nap. 
I take my job very seriously. It’s a hefty job description (for which few would qualify if we needed to apply). I have been entrusted to:
It’s a tall order, let me tell you. But, I embrace it – although I do struggle with the clean environment part. I’m not exactly a domestic goddess 
.
The rewards are beyond measure and I am so grateful for the opportunity to be a mother and spend my days with this human being who just may be teaching me more than I am him.
Soon after my son was born, I wrote this post. At the time, I was paranoid about breaking him and screwing him up. I have since realized that I most certainly will screw him up, as all parents do. I’ve come to terms with that and decided that all I can do is my best to raise a healthy, well-rounded, open-minded child. His father and I will make mistakes and I will do my best not to wrap myself in guilt over it. That doesn’t help anyone.
At some point in his first year of life, I decided that we (his father and I) know what is best for him and our family. That said, we do our best to make child-rearing decisions ourselves and try not to get too caught up in external influences – family members, other parents, or “experts.” The only expert on my kid is my kid – we are the next best thing.
So many mothers seem to stress out about doing it right and doing what they are supposed to do. In so doing, many of them don’t listen to their instincts and really get wrapped up in how to parent instead of why we parent. Then, they seem to end up wishing that they had just listened to their baby.
My son has a pretty consistent self-imposed schedule – naps, bedtime, eating. Once I learned to listen to him, I realized that his instincts and his body let him know what he needs. I can set a clock by his sleep patterns. That said, I let him sleep when he’s tired and eat when he’s hungry (even if it falls out of his regular schedule). My take is that he is a human (as am I) and who am I to dictate when he should be tired and hungry. I need to give him the credit he deserves and realize that he knows better than anyone what his needs are.
Now, I am not saying that he runs around all willy-nilly doing whatever he wants and running the household. All I am saying is that when it comes to meeting his needs, it’s a collaborative effort among him, me, and his father.
I guess the point is that it is all about balance. Rigidity in any way does not work for him – rigid schedule, or active avoidance of one.
I am blessed with an awesome, easy-going, chilled-out kid. He is non-stop and always on the move, but he is adaptable and laid back. Maybe I am just lucky and the next one will prove me wrong. Either way, I don’t believe I can go horribly wrong by trusting my instincts and listening to my baby and really getting to know him and letting him express his own needs – when he needs them.
I am not out to judge how anyone else parents – not any more that I seek to have others judge how I parent. However, what works for us, works for us.