There are a lot of things I should do, should be doing, should be thinking, should be feeling, and should be judging. There are things I should be drinking, should be eating, should be watching, should be saying, should be listening to.

The world I know has very specific standards and it has spent my entire lifetime conditioning me to aspire to these standards – and to feel guilty or inferior for not meeting them or worse, not aspiring to them.  More often than not, these standards conflict with what I know to be true.

Sometimes, I catch myself getting caught up in the shoulds of this world.  I have to check myself.  Why do I want to aspire to them?  What do I get out of it? Attention? Affection? Affirmation? That is all ego.

Negotiating this world is a challenge.  Sometimes, convenience trumps goodness.  Sometimes, the perceived importance of time trumps compassion.  Sometimes, ego trumps consciousness.  Sometimes… perhaps, most of the time.

As much as it likes to think it is, this world is not built for goodness, compassion, or consciousness.  We are too caught up in what we ‘should’ be doing to do what we should be doing, and to be who we are.

In Illusions, Richard Bach wrote “I am tired of clinging. Though I cannot see it with my eyes, I trust that the current knows where it is going.“  What am I clinging to?  Where would the current take me if I let go?  Dare I?

Dear Q,

I will be the first to tell you that we give more power to money than it deserves.  Money is not worth anything; it is just paper or coin.  What it symbolizes is powerful, and in our increasingly cashless culture, money maintains it’s power even if doesn’t exist in a physical sense.  The meaning we attribute to money is arbitrary, yet it rules the world.  And, we let it.

As much as the concepts of money, ownership, and capitalism conflict with what I know to be true, to live in this world, I have to understand them.

We live in a culture that is ruled by credit.  Never spend more than you have in an effort to impress people you don’t know, or don’t like.  Remember your lesson on ego, and before you make a purchase, ask yourself why you desire it.  Is it kind? Is it necessary?  Is it true?  If you have doubts, then don’t spend – even if it’s only for a coffee.

Whether you have money or not, don’t let it rule your life; the more you focus on it, the more it will consume you and define your life.  Remember, you may need money to live, but you never need it to be.

Love always,

Mom