Memories. Some memories are comforting, while others evoke a visceral reaction. Everything I know, everything I feel, and everything I believe at this very moment is linked to a memory.
Memories are powerful. We replay some and repress some. We try to forget some, while desperately trying to hold onto others.
Good or bad, experiences turn into memories and they shape us – our growth, our attitudes, our behaviour. Who we love. What we love. Why we love who we love… all boils down to memory.
As I’ve been thinking about memories, so many have flooded into the forefront of my mind. Childhood memories, high school memories, memories of travels and multiple moves.
When I think back on the times in my life and access my memories, I realize that every phase was the best of times and the worst of times (a la The Tale of Two Cities). I hold on fiercely to the best of times, although I know that the worst of times has shaped me beyond measure. I accept that. I know that. I visit those memories and evaluate how they affect me – how the experience that created them influenced who I am at this very moment.
The other day, I was jarred by picture that triggered a memory. Not a happy memory. Not a memory I ever choose to recollect. Yet, there it was staring me in the face – tempting me to give it power and affect my mood and my state of mind. I did and it did.
It amazes me that something so intangible, something contained in only my mind has so much power. No one shares this memory with me; it is of my own creation – a product of an experience. Those who shared that experience created their own memory of it, which has affected them in different ways (or not at all).
Memories are tricky because they are solely our creation, yet they wield so much power and influence everything we believe. Amazing. Scary.
Every time we remember, we judge ourselves again, we are guilty again, and we punish ourselves again, and again, and again. – don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements
_____________________________________________________
This post is my third installment for Momalom’s Five for Ten. The topic is Memory
And memories tend to take on a life of their own, a life than sometimes is wonderful and others is so, so hard. But they are part of us, they make us and so we must live with them even if we would rather choose not to. Your post is raw Sarah. But I’m glad you shared these feelings and I hope it’s one to finding a peace with the memories you would prefer not to have.
Finding peace with those memories that I’d rather not have… that’s the crux, isn’t it? The good and the bad shape us – the bad as much as the good has contributed to the creation of me, so I can’t begrudge that. But, the moments of remembering are hard.
Memories are a strange thing. Love that Ruiz quote; it’s so true. Memories wouldn’t be so bad sometimes if we could remove judgement from them and just accept that they are moments in time that have shaped us into the beings we are today.
Yes! Imagine how differently we’d move through this world if we could remove the judgment from our memories!
Another amazing post. I was nodding all the way through. It’s so true… everything is linked to a memory. They shape us and influence us. And everyone creates their very own unique memories. It truly is amazing. I loved this.
Thank you, Shannon. I really needed that feedback this morning. You have no idea.
The mind is a powerful thing. We store, process, digest, shape the world around us in that little space, and all of those work to form the person we are. Truly amazing.
I really like the way you think. So glad you found your way to my blog.
We are unique in how we experience the world, so our memories reflect that – good OR bad. Well said.
I think memories taint our approach to things. Sometimes that is a penalty for allowing our memories to have so much power over us. I know that I have to be careful and let any new experiences speak to me in their own original way, without bringing the baggage of my past to corrupt it.
I think we are on the same page. After reading your post I realized I was saying the same thing. It is amazing how our memories “create” us. My fears come from a set of experiences that I remember too well.
How do I reshape my memories to make me less fearful?
Really interesting stuff. Glad I found you
How do we reshape our memories? I wonder if it is possible.
I have rendered horrible memories powerless… I have managed that. It took a lot of work and forgiveness, though. Years of self-refection and processing.
Here’s my question–is the Four Agreements author saying we shouldn’t remember things? Or we should just focus on positive memories instead of painful ones?
I talked too, in my post, about how memories have so much to do with our own creation of them. It’s scary and also empowering, isn’t it?
Ruiz says that if justice existed, we would only punish ourselves once for a mistake – not repeatedly. He says that the judge in our mind is wrong and that the belief system we have is inherantly flawed.
Memories are so powerful and subjective. I never really thought if it being empowering, but that’s true
It is absolutely incredible how powerful memories are, for each of us. And how two people can remember an event so differently, that blows my mind on a consistently. Sometimes I wish they were a bit more controllable…
Controllable memories – imagine that! I wonder if there are people who have that kind of control over their minds. I’ve had horrible memories that over the years I have managed to render powerless. It was a lot of work.
“Yet, there it was staring me in the face – tempting me to give it power and affect my mood and my state of mind. I did and it did.”
YES.
Negative memories do have the power to ruin a perfectly good hour, morning, day, and week! I think there might be two reasons for this. Either there is another lesson that we are to learn from them before they end their plague or we have not quite forgiven ourselves or those involved in the memory. Perhaps it is both. Whatever the reason, bad memories suck.
Yes, they do suck! I’ve been processing that memory – not sure what I could possibly learn from it. I definitely haven’t forgiven the situation or the negative impact it’s had on my life. Maybe that is why it’s creeping in again…
The thing that triggers memories more than anything for me is people. Normally the result is more painful than happy. Not because my past was unhappy, but it seems that we, or perhaps I should just say I, remember more of our struggles and insecurities than anything else. So certain people, whether seeing them in person or in photos, trigger memories of insecure feelings and so on.
Ah well.
Having said that, more recent photos tend to bring back happy feelings.
Two things really stand out for me in your thoughtful post, Sarah: the first is the way in which all of our memories, whether good or bad, shape who we are today; the second is that, to some extent, we are in control of allowing a memory in or closing the door on it. I have to wonder the extent to which a memory can leak into our consciousness even if we don’t mean it to. I am not always good about dealing with troublesome issues in the past and sometimes I’ll find them creeping up on me when I least expect it.
What amazes me is the power of tangible things to evoke an intangible memory. For me, it can be a song or a smell, a place or a picture, and sometimes the “thing” is only marginally related to the memory itself. Memories have a mind of their own, so to speak, surfacing and resurfacing when we both want and don’t want them.