Comments on: High Heels: Parenting Gender

By: Does this bother you? :

Does this bother you? : — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 01:40:56 +0000

[...] “turn gay” if he enjoys playing with Betsy Wetsy or dressing up in frilly dresses and walking around in Mommy’s heels? Really? I firmly believe what we are, who we are going to be attracted to, is something we are [...]

By: Jana @ Attitude Adjustment

Jana @ Attitude Adjustment — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 00:40:37 +0000

I think you’re right, that perhaps more of our concerns about gender identity stem more from how society/culture will react, rather than how we feel about it. I will love my kid no matter what, but I tend to want to shelter him from pain, and there is pain in feeling like you don’t fit in. Hopefully, the times, they are-a changin’. (I do think they are a bit, thank God.)

By: Lee

Lee — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 15:22:37 +0000

Great discussion, Sarah. I had four kids in five years and when they were little they just did what they did – I payed no particular attention to my sons wearing tiaras and my girls playing with trucks. They just played. Now that they’re 14, 13, 11 and 10 they still just play and it’s been a joy to watch them on each of their individual journeys to who they will become. My focus has been on building character and guiding them, not making choices for them.

By: Sarah (Creen) Benn

Sarah (Creen) Benn — Sat, 17 Jul 2010 21:33:30 +0000

I preferred boys toys as a kid. Who cares. When you are that young, clothes are clothes, a toy is a toy. People read way too much into gender issues these days, especially in young kids. It’s so silly.

By: Alli 'n Son » Blog Archive » Fave Links This Week

Alli 'n Son » Blog Archive » Fave Links This Week — Sat, 17 Jul 2010 04:27:59 +0000

[...] love Sarah’s view on raising a boy, High Heels: Parenting Gender. By following his path, and not forcing him to take [...]

By: Joe

Joe — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 17:58:12 +0000

Can I just say what a relief to find someone who actually knows what theyre talking about on the internet. You definitely know how to bring an issue to light and make it important. More people need to read this and understand this side of the story. I cant believe youre not more popular because you definitely have the gift.

By: rebecca @ altared spaces

rebecca @ altared spaces — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 01:38:59 +0000

I feel strongly about this. About everything related to gender choices I accept what my kids have chosen. My son went through a pink phase where he was WILD about pink (still one of his three favorite colors at 13) and he is profoundly masculine.

My daughter went through a masculine phase: super short hair, the clothes, chains etc… Now she’s back to the occasional skirt and her hair reaches down her back.

All the while I smiled and hugged them and told them I loved them.

But, their sibling did not. This I found interesting. In quiet tones these kids look out for one another, “You shouldn’t wear that to school. You look like a fool.”

My children can hear something from their sibling and go into their room and change and think nothing of it. In fact, they are grateful. They understand their sister (or brother) is just looking out for them. If I said the same thing? Pandemonium.

I would be criticising them, or failing to see the true them, or some other hurtful thing.

My job as mother in these moments (high heels and short/long hair) is to love. I’ll save the critical comments for when they are failing to be kind. Or getting ready to jump a motorcycle off a cliff.

By: Jack

Jack — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 20:46:32 +0000

My son is a hair short of ten. I didn’t tell him what to play or not play with (provided that it was safe)because I didn’t see any reason to.

I don’t care what his sexual preference is, but I hope that he is heterosexual because life will be much easier for him.

All that being said I figured that over time he would focus on boy stuff and he has. It hasn’t been because people told him to, it was just natural.

But in my experience I have seen a lot of mothers try to influence their boys to behave like girls and I have a problem with that.

There are gender differences that exist and there is nothing wrong with that.

In regard to team sports I don’t care if girls play on the boy’s team as long as the rules aren’t changed.

As someone said earlier there is a natural size and strength differential that exists so sometimes it doesn’t make sense for a girl to play with those kids.

And that rule can be applied to smaller boys too. Life isn’t about everything being fair or equal, never was and never will be.

Sometimes it is ok to celebrate our differences.

By: Kate

Kate — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 19:20:56 +0000

I’m tired and not putting my thoughts down as well as I’d like, but…
First, no one has ever commented in any way about my daughter putting on her Daddy’s shoes. But people are surprised that I own trucks and cars and blocks (really?) even though I ‘only’ have girls.
I remember when my older girl was between 18 months and 2, that differentiating gender was a milestone. Gender is something kids play with. It is a social construct after all. She hates that many of the boys excluded her in preschool because she is a girl. Gender is a huge under current. It informs so much of who we are.
Even outside of gender, how to we respect our children for themselves while guiding them fit into the social world around them. And how do we teach them to stand independent of the social pressure when thats better for them?

Great, great stuff.

By: Lisa

Lisa — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 02:05:03 +0000

I don’t believe that girls are inherently more gentle than boys. I have examples of that as I’m sure you know. But if boys are overly gentle it is looked upon as weak. Why? Just dumb.
I can see why in some sports they are seperate for boys and girls as they get older. It is just FACT that most boys are going to be bigger and stronger than girls of the same age, without meaning to the boys could hurt the girls. I have seen this, it happens. So I believe that for some of the contact sports they do have to be seperated when they are older.
Again tough issue.