I feel like I blog about blogging – or not blogging – a lot. Every post I think of writing has to do with my lack of writing. But here I am, doing it again.
For two years, I’ve been trying to “get back into” my blog. I’ve missed posting, but I can’t seem to make the time or deem anything worthy of publishing. So, here I sit – lamenting the blog that once was.
And that’s my problem.
Today, I read this post by Sharon at Speed Skating Mom. It resonated with me not because Q is like her son, but because I was like him. I still am like him – not wanting to participate if I know others are better than I am. I don’t do anything I used to do, or that I really enjoyed doing – because someone has already done it. Better than me. And in the case of this blog, that someone was me.
The archives of this blog hold some really, really great posts – the best writing I’ve ever done. I look back with pride – and a little awe at the ability that seems to have abandonned me.
There are better writers than I am. There are better bloggers that I am. There always will be. What stifles me is my former self – I can’t compete with her. I don’t have the time or energy or motivation.
So, where does that leave me? Writing about not writing. I’m not sure if that’s sad or ironic.
Someone who I truly respect and value once said to me, all you have to is get out of your own way. I think about that a lot, when I set myself up against expectations. So what if your writing isn’t as good as you think it once was (which I doubt!!), the writing itself will bring back to the will. I believe this.
Thanks, Christine. I don’t even know where to start; I just know I want to write. Y’know? I know you’ve been here – and you let it go…but I want to continue, I just need to figure out how.
I think that leaves you in limbo and you have to decide whether to move forward or stop. The fact is, you can’t compete with her. We are always evolving and changing so can your writing be how it was? Nope. But I’d place a money bet that if you dig deep, you’d be able to find a new beginning.
Thanks, Sharon. I know I want to move forward. I would miss it too much if I stopped, completely. I overthink every post. Every word. Every punctuation point. It’s exhausting and I need to get over that need for perfection. I know stifle myself and get in my own way. What I need to do is let go and allow myself to be the writer I am today – whoever that is.
Every creative person has a point in their life when they think they are all washed up. Every one has times of doubt and stares at a white page, be it to draw, paint, design or write, that seems to have more power than can be overcome. Trick is to allow yourself to create without planning to share it with anyone but yourself. Sounds kinda strange to say to a blogger but I think it just might help. You’ll find your place of bliss again but it may not be in the form of your past self but something even more interesting and fulfilling to you.