A Doll for my Son: Easier said than done
Over the years, I have acquired quite the collection of dolls from all over the world – but they are not dolls for playing – with porcelain faces, hands, and feet. When Q was a baby, I put a few out on shelves his room.
He started noticing them a couple of weeks ago, pointing to the dolls and saying “Baby? Baby, please?” I would take them down and hold them while he stroked their faces and gave them gentle kisses. I knew it was time to get him his own baby to hug and to hold. I also knew that it would be easier said than done.
As I set out on my quest, I realized just how difficult a task it would be.
I had 2 criteria for his doll:
1. Not white
2. Gender-neutral (although I was willing to settle for a ‘boy’ doll)
Every store I went to had aisles of white dolls that boasted various features and fancy gimmicks. The few black dolls were all decked out in pink. The gender-neutral and ‘boy’ dolls I found were all white.
I went to 5 stores in 3 different cities with no luck and figured I had 2 options.
a: Go to the US and hope to find one there
b: Buy one off the Internet
Neither option worked for me. That I had would have to go to another country or order online (when I could pick a doll up at any Dollar Store for my white nieces) was absurd and abhorrent to me.
Sure, I could have gotten Q white doll, but my son deserves to have access to a “baby” that resembles him. It is important to me that his toys and books reflect a balance of racial representation that he will not see on TV, in school books, or (evidently) in his local toy store.
Q's Baby
In the end, this is what I got him. It barely meets either of my criteria (although it is darker than it looks in the pic), but he couldn’t wait. Every night, he was more desperate for a “baby.”
I know that the fact that I haven’t had to deal with (or even encounter) this until my 30s is evidence of the privilege that has been afforded me because of my racial identity. For my entire life, white privilege has given me access to dolls that resemble me (although ironically, most of the dolls in my collection are neither white nor ‘girls’).
When I brought the doll into the house and Q saw it, his face lit up! He gleefully screamed “Baby! Baby! Baby!” Q doesn’t know what colour his “baby” is or what that means, but I hope that this doll (and those to come) contribute in some way to his self-worth and sense of identity.
December 29th, 2009 at 11:07 pm
A doll! A doll! Quinton wants a doll!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LNwUjd0gLo
December 29th, 2009 at 11:09 pm
… a doll to hug and hold!
December 29th, 2009 at 11:09 pm
I know this was a problem in trying to find a baby to let her play and hold to understand what it would be like when her brother Zack was born, so a lady we knew had a black cabbage patch doll and we borrowed it until Zack was born.
In buying toys, we try to find toys that kay and zack can identify with but I think sometimes it just isn’t possible and we have to do the best we can with what we have.
Glad Q loves his baby, and the fact that he loves it is what is most important.
December 30th, 2009 at 12:29 pm
You are an awesome mama!
December 30th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
Thanks, Christine!
December 30th, 2009 at 1:10 pm
Very touching, and your quest to find your son the perfect doll for him is a beautiful example of your great mothering skills. My boys love to play with the dolls at my inlaws house – (the dolls are their girl cousins) and I think it’s cute, to see them ‘feeding’ their babies in the doll high chairs and taking care of them.
December 30th, 2009 at 5:11 pm
I know the difficulty in buying these dolls! Walmart to my surprise has many!! and we are happy with knowing that. Its wonderful to see my daughter Kayleigh and Zack play with black babies and white baby dolls! Ickle Pickle who is blue is his favorite tho
Barbi
December 30th, 2009 at 5:56 pm
Yeah, that’s where I finally found this one (it was the 3rd Walmart I went to, though… all the other black dolls were girls)!
December 31st, 2009 at 7:15 pm
Nice choice Mommy. Can’t wait to see Q with a picture of his dolly!!
January 12th, 2010 at 6:02 pm
great post! I only had white dolls as a kid, despite the fact that I am 1/2 B&W. There’s still a void there from childhood! LOL
The world is so much more progessive these days; now I need to get a black/brown doll for my mini-me (altho she still likes her stuffed animals!)
February 15th, 2010 at 6:38 pm
[...] I think this conviction is part of my temperament… wired into my brain somewhere, but I have to give credit to my parents for fostering it and exposing me to things that would support it and help it grow. One of those things was music, and Free to Be You and Me influenced me a great deal when I was young. The album dealt a lot with gender role stereotypes and expectations and those lessons have stuck with me; I find myself teaching them to my son. [...]
February 28th, 2010 at 4:20 pm
[...] bed, he needs his 3 giraffes, 2 monkeys, and one baby piled around [...]