s a r a h c a s m

One of my favourite blogger friends, Shannon at Comments from a Non-Blogger, tagged me in this interview meme. I enjoyed getting to know her better from her interview and I hope that this will give you an opportunity to learn a little about me.

Enjoy!

What experience has most shaped you, and why?

I don’t talk about the details of this experience publicly for the sake of the other people involved, but it has shaped me more profoundly than any other in my life. Although this experience was traumatic at the time, it lay the foundation for some of the most important lessons in my life. Through betrayal, it taught me how to forgive. It taught me how to let things go and allow them to help me grow. I learned how to identify the positive aspects of any situation and focus on them. These lessons have influenced how I parent, how I interact with people, and how I view my place in this world. Traumatic as it was, I am beyond grateful for it.

If you had a whole day with no commitments, what would you do?

I’d love to be able to say I’d go to a spa, or read a book over coffee, or something sophisticated like visiting a museum. However, I would probably sleep much of the day and watch TV in my sweats.

What food or drink could you never give up?

I love me some caffeine. I love espresso drinks and cola. I have tried to give up cola a few times in the past – to no avail. It has been a fave of mine since I was a teenager.

If you could travel anywhere, where would that be and why?

I have always wanted to go to southeastern Africa, but right now I am aching to see the ocean and really want to go to Maine where we used to vacation when I was a kid.

If you were leader of your country, what would you do?

If I had the power, I would over-haul the education system. I would make the curriculum inclusive and reflective of all the population. I would make sure that the history children learned actually represented the perspectives of everyone involved.

I would also ensure that social inclusion theory and anti-oppression frameworks were incorporated in the training and education of all teachers.

Give me one easy savoury recipe that doesn’t include cheese.

I love my Shepherd’s Pie. The secret is lots of basil in the ground beef.

What did you think you were going to be when you grew up?

I always knew I would be a mother. When I looked forward in my life, that is what I saw.

If you could spend just one day in someone else’s body, who would it be?

An infant. I think it would be fascinating to see the world through a newborn’s eyes. And, I’d get to sleep whenever I wanted to… I’d even be encouraged to!

Which woman writer – living or dead – do you most admire and why?

bell hooks. I admire that she writes what needs to be read – the intersections of race, class, and gender.

What character trait inspires you the most?

Generosity. People who give unconditionally inspire me. The world needs more people who consider what they can do, provide, offer, or be to make someone else’s life easier.

Which book or books have inspired or touched you the most?

I have quite a few that have inspired me. Richard Bach is the author of 2 of them – One and Illusions. His perspective on life resonates with me and what I know to be true.

What is your favorite family custom?

We don’t really have any. We used to go out for brunch on Sundays, which I loved to do, but it got too costly. Our family is not big on holidays or tradition. I think my favourite ones will be those that develop organically and evolve as Q gets older and understands more.

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Thanks, Shannon, for tagging me in this interview.  I like that I got to sink my teeth into some of the questions!

Now, this is my opportunity to tag other bloggers and get to know them better.

Shawn @, What will you be, Pea who is a great friend of mine and a funny daddy blogger.

Maria @ Bored Mommy Blog who is one of the first mommy bloggers I ever read.

Kameron @  a Wrinkle in Time who I actually met in person before reading her blog.  I would love to learn more about her.

It’s September – without a doubt, my favourite month. Even though the leaves will soon changes and fall to the ground, it is a time of new beginnings. New schools. New grades. New friends. New teachers. New clothes. New school supplies. New adventures.

I used to love going back to school in September. Although the novelty wore off pretty quickly, I always enjoyed the first day of school – charged with so much anticipation.

I welcome September as I pull out my hoodies, sweaters, and sneakers in anticipation of the crisp weather. It is a cozy month.

I wanted to give a photo book as a gift, but they are surprisingly hard to find. All I could find was an ugly blue one. Actually, as far as I can tell, these kind only come in blue. Ugly blue. Why not black?

Anyway, being that it was all I could find, I decided to just cover it with something. How hard could that be? I am no crafter, but I am a pretty creative person.

So, I went to my local craft store in search of some self-adhesive paper-type stuff to put on it. I walked around aimlessly for awhile, confused (and awed) by all the scrapbooking stuff.

Eventually I found someone who worked there.

Me: Do you have any self-adhesive paper-type stuff?

Her: blank stare

Me: Ok, so I have a photo album that I want to cover, so I am looking for something adhesive to put on it.

Her: Oh, we don’t have anything like that.

Me: What? It’s a craft store. You have nothing adhesive? Scrapbookers glue everything? Really?! Oh, ok.

Her: I am a scrapbooker. I’ve done a lot of books and even I would not attempt recovering something like that. You’d have to fold corners. It would be near impossible to make it smooth.

Me: Look, lady. We used to have to fold paper over textbooks in elementary school to keep them crisp. How hard can this be? Ok, thanks.

Her: I mean, if we were in another store, I could take the time to show you how to do it. Maybe you could get some flat quilting batting and cover it with fabric.

Me: I think that would be too bulky. I am pretty sure I simply asked for a something self-adhesive. Thanks. Do I look that stupid? (The dried coffee splatter on my face could have been a hint – wish I’d noticed that beforehand)

Her: Sorry. You just can’t do it.

Me: Challenge accepted!

So, I walked around and picked up some double-sided self-adhesive sheets and some  card stock paper. I was determined to make it work. I’d show her!

As soon as I got home, I set to work. I cut and stuck and folded (gasp).

And guess what…

It worked!

Take THAT sales lady. Ha! In your face. That is what you get for underestimating me.

In unrelated news, I will be stopping by that store with a resume in the near future. Not really.

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My spell check tells me scrapbooking is not one word. I don’t care. I am making it one because I think it should be one.

I know I promised you a post about the India section of Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat Pray Love. I am still attempting to participate in Bored Mommy’s virtual book club.

Truth be told, I haven’t been able to finish it. I have tried, but I cannot get into this book. I really wanted to love Eat Pray Love because so many people like it and recommend it. However, right now I am ready to put it down and not pick it up again. I am struggling through each page.

I wasn’t impressed with Italy and I still don’t like Gilbert’s writing style. I am about three quarters the way through India and I am annoyed. I know that this book is about Gilbert and her journey, but I am finding this section incredibly self-indulgent and tiresome. She complains a lot. About everything. Her negativity brings me down, which is disappointing because she is on a spiritual journey while in India. Maybe some of her enlightenment shines through in the pages I have yet to read.

The bright light in the India section (and yes, there is one), is Richard from Texas. He is honest and insightful. Any of the little gems I will take away from this section come from him. He is a refreshing contrast to a whiny (yes, I said it) Liz.

Hopefully, I will get through this section and provide you with a more fair, inspired review.

In the meantime, wish me luck.

I was taught what to believe
It clouds the truth I know
It shapes my identity, perceptions, interpretations
Every aspect of what I believe
Linked to something I was told
Grass is green. Sky is blue.
Believing is much different than knowing
I know better. All is relative.

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This is a Six Word Friday post. The prompt this week is ‘this much I know’

This past weekend, I went to BlogHer ’10. Simply put, it is a big conference for bloggers (predominantly women). In a nutshell, it was heavy on social and networking, but light on content.

BlogHer presented me with a great opportunity to meet women I have spent months connecting with online. I took full advantage of that. I went out for dinner in Times Square. I danced the night away. I met for coffee in the mornings and took a stroll through central park with a new friend. Those experiences made my trip worthwhile. Money well spent. The isolation I often feel as a stay-at-home mom disappeared as I was thrust into social event after social event. I needed that. Without a doubt, I needed that. I needed to be a woman for a few days without putting anyone else’s needs before mine. It was refreshing to only have to worry about myself.

That BlogHer was in New York City was bittersweet. I love the city, so during the conference I was constantly feeling the pull to wander off, explore, and take it all in. When I started to feel like I was really missing out, I took a few hours to myself and walked to central park where I sat enjoying a cool breeze and good book. I didn’t read as much as I watched people walk by – mostly tourists by my estimation. Someone asked me for directions and another struck up a conversation about the book I was reading. It finally made me feel connected to the city and the people in it. I took one photo while I was there and it was with my phone. One photo that captures the peace in the chaos. A beautiful park amid the city that never sleeps.

As much fun as I had at the conference, I can’t help but feel that BlogHer didn’t reach it’s potential in terms of information sharing and knowledge transfer. I know a lot of people go to BlogHer for the social and networking aspects, which is great. However, social media and blogging conferences can be about more than social networking. There is information to be shared beyond storytelling.

I have been to dozens of conferences and have had a hand in planning many. From that perspective, attending BlogHer was frustrating. It frustrated me that the conference did not not capitalize on the opportunity to share practical, applicable information.

The breakout sessions that I went to were disappointing. Though inspiring, they didn’t give me much to sink my teeth into. They were all panel discussions, which are great because they offer multiple perspectives and give voice to the audience. However, in order for the success of case studies to be transferable, they need to be supported by theory – steps that attendees can take away to help them achieve similar results. I came away with inspiration, but no tools to give it life.

I am a facilitator. I have been developing and delivering training programs for years and one topic that I trained was advocacy strategies. For me to go to a Change Agents session at a conference that offers no strategies or tools to replicate success was beyond frustrating. There was no practical information about:

• offline advocacy efforts complementing online

• calls to action

• influencing public policy

If the information is not applicable, what is the point? Where is the learning?

As much as I love my fellow bloggers, not everyone who writes well, speaks well. I would have liked to have seen professional speakers complement the stories and case studies presented by bloggers. I would have liked to have seen a variety of learning styles addressed and I would have liked to have seen real learning opportunities and meaningful exchange of information.

In October of this year, I will be attending Blissdom Canada and I hope that it is more well-rounded than BlogHer was. I hope that there is as much emphasis on applicable learning as on storytelling. There is no reason that social media conferences can’t match the caliber of professional conferences – I have seen it with My Charity Connects, so I know it is possible. There is a wealth of information to be shared and people who want to learn it.

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* I refrained from linking to all my blogging friends for fear that I’d unintentionally leave someone out. They know who they are and they can be found in the blogroll of my sidebar.

I didn’t read Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert when it came out or when it was hyped up by Oprah. I wasn’t interested and really had little intention of ever reading it. Then, Maria at Bored Mommy decided to start a virtual book club in anticipation of the upcoming movie. I couldn’t resist.

The book documents the journey of the protagonist, Elizabeth, through a year of self-discovery. It follows her through Italy, India, and Indonesia. Today, we are discussing Italy.

I am not sold on this book. I am over 100 pages in and feel like I could easily abandon it and not wonder what happened or what I could have learned. It actually took a lot of effort to get 50 pages into it because I am not a fan of Gilbert’s writing style. It is too familiar for my literary taste. It reads more like a blog than book. Also, I find the switching between present and past tense very distracting, which has made it hard for me to surrender to the story.

The story is inspiring, though. Elizabeth sets off on a journey of self-discovery – leaving everything behind and moving to Italy. I can relate to that. I’ve done that (though, I moved to Edmonton, which is hardly as romantic). I packed up my car and headed west where an old friend and a windowless room in a basement waited to welcome me. I had no savings, no job prospects, and no idea what I was going to do when I got there. It was incredibly liberating.

I think this book will grow on me the more I read it. There are definitely some passages that will stick with me. I especially like the discussion about the word on the street of a city and how that evolved into Elizabeth wondering what word encompassed her. It made me really think about what my word is.

I appreciate Gilbert’s willingness to be vulnerable and to expose herself. That she talks freely about her depression is admirable and courageous. I look forward to reading about India and hope that I can learn something from Elizabeth’s spiritual journey. Stay tuned for Eat Pray Love – India.

Yesterday, I watched this post by Maria at amotherworld.com and thought Great idea! I’m going to do that for my next post (because I haven’t really been inspired to write lately).

I thought it would be easy. One take… maybe two. It turns out that it’s not as easy as it looks. Dozens of takes later, I had nothing. It was impossibly difficult for me to articulate my thoughts while talking to my computer. A backspace button on my mouth would have helped.

I didn’t want to waste my hours of effort (which I wish was an exaggeration), so I decided to share my adventures in vlogging with you.

These are the best takes (of too many). Enjoy!

So, there you have it. I guess I’m not quitting my day job any time soon.

Today, I am saturated. I am running low on energy, patience, perspective, and sanity.

I have a good kid. Q is amazingly well-behaved and doesn’t really live up to the terrible of two. He rarely to never throws tantrums and he is an absolute dream in public. He doesn’t act out or yell or even outright refuse to do things we ask of him. He is remarkably accommodating and says okay more often than no.

But, he’s not perfect and the last two days have made that abundantly clear. He throws. Everything. He throws food. He throws toys. He will throw anything he can get his hands on. He doesn’t seem to think about what or who he might hit. He just throws. He always has.

The other day, someone said “if throwing is all you have to worry about, then you have it made!” Not really. Not when he throws a truck at a 2 month old. Not when he throws his food all over the floor and across the room during every single meal. Not when he throws a metal car in my face, or a shoe at my head when I am driving. No, I don’t have it made because this throwing has the potential to cause serious damage.

He has been throwing indiscriminately since he figured out how. It’s been an on-going problem that I was hoping he would have grown out of by now – at almost 2 and a half.

I am really at a loss as to how to stop it. Nothing has worked. If he throws a toy, he automatically loses it. He doesn’t care. He just goes and finds something else. Once, we took all his hard toys away so he couldn’t break anything or hurt anybody. He didn’t care; he happily played with stuffed animals. We have taken away TV privileges, but he doesn’t associate it to his behaviour. We give him time-outs, and he just sits there quietly, unfazed.

Nothing seems to have an impact. We have made preventative efforts, too. We don’t allow balls in the house because we don’t want to encourage him to throw anything inside. He is also not allowed metal cars until he can learn not to throw them because they can cause real damage. And, toys are banned in the car.

So, what else can we do?

Does anyone else have a thrower?
Has anyone found anything that has worked to stop it?
What suggestions do you have for me? Help?

I am a sneaker kind of girl, but I have my fair share of high heels. Recently, they have been getting more use from Q than from me. He digs them out of the closet, puts them on and taps around the house in them. He has them mastered. It is quite impressive, actually. I don’t know why he likes my heels – maybe it’s the height, or the sound, or the fact that they are mine. I don’t know and I don’t ask him; it doesn’t matter.

Six weeks ago, while Q was tapping around the house, I tweeted this:

The one response I got was “Oh, I’m sure his high school mates will just love that!” I was put off for a number of reasons, but it stuck with me and got me thinking.

Between then and now, I have read this post by Loukia at Loulou’s Views, this post by Carrie Anne at Another Day, Another Thought or Two, this post by Jana at An Attitude Adjustment, and this post by Jen at Everything Mom. I decided that it is time for me to weigh in and share my perspective more cohesively than I can in a blog comment or in 140 characters on Twitter.

My son plays with dolls. He wears pink shirts. One of his favourite things to do is push his baby around in a doll stroller or rock him in mini swing. He wears my heels. And, the other day he picked out pink shoes at the store (which I did not buy because there were none in his size, but his request made me pause).

I consider myself a conscious parent. I am mindful of the choices and decisions I make on Q’s behalf. I constantly evaluate and manage my expectations of him and of myself. I deliberately check my ego and make a concerted effort to not engage in power struggles for the sake of maintaining or asserting power over him. I do my best to acknowledge his individuality and honour his agency.

It is work. It is constant. But I believe that it is important.

When it comes to gender identity, I have no expectations of Q. No gender identity is better than another. For all I know, he will identify as a trans woman. Fine with me. Whoever he is, he is. What matters to me is that he feel free to express that identity without fear of rejection and judgment from me and Mr. T. If there is anywhere he needs to feel free to express himself, it’s in his home.

That said, society will judge him. He will be judged regardless, but especially harshly if he defies societal expectations and norms. In this world, binary gender designations are met with little question. Boy or girl. Man or woman. The reality, though, is that it is not that simple. Gender identity is complex and runs deeper than gendered toys and clothes. Intersex and transgender [pdf] identities exist and are more common than many are willing to accept.

In all honestly, I was relieved when there were no pink shoes in Q’s size because I probably would have bought them for him and I knew that he and I would be judged.

Am I willing to appease people I don’t know or don’t like at the expense of my son’s free will and desire to express himself? As Dr. Seuss said: those who mind don’t matter and those that matter don’t mind. However, at what point do I intervene in an effort to protect him? And, will I really be protecting him in the long run?

Is there a point at which we defer and encourage our children to conform? My heart says no, but I am torn. I want Q to feel free to express his true self, but I don’t want him to suffer at the hands of those high school mates.

What do you think?
How do you foster a sense of identity in your children?
Do you allow your children to express themselves freely through their clothing and toys?
Are we protecting our children by encouraging them to conform to gender stereotypes and social expectations?

For the record, I don’t believe that toys and clothing determine sexual orientation, nor do I have any preference for Q’s sexual orientation.