July 28, 2014.
That was the date of my last post. 14 months ago. I remember that day – the last time I wrote. I was sitting in the screened in porch at my dad’s house, coffee in hand, soaking in the solitude and trying to quiet my brain. In some ways, it seems like yesterday. I can recount my inner dialogue – the pull to hit the road and go home versus the desire to just sit and be. Just be. Be still.
It’s amazing how a moment can feel like yesterday even after so much has happened since. So much pain. So much change. So much growth. In some of those moments, between then and now, I thought about this place. My place. The place where I share my thoughts and opinions. The place I expose myself. The mere thought of this place terrified me – there was so much happening, but I had nothing to share. Nothing to give. Exposure was not an option. To expose the rawness would only invite more pain.
So I steered clear of this place and it never occurred to me that I might come back some day. The only reason this place still exists is that I couldn’t be bothered to get rid of it. This piece of me. This account of almost nine years of my life, selective though the account may be.
Yet, here I am reclaiming this space. I’m clearing the cobwebs and declaring it safe to inhabit. To embrace. To expose myself in ways that remain to be seen.
I am a different person than I was on July 28, 2014. Everything is different and I couldn’t be happier. After months of barely keeping my head above water, I am now safely on solid ground – light on my feet, under a wide open sky.
My eyes had adjusted to the darkness, but with the light comes clarity and there is no going back. The dark, stormy waters are behind me. Forever. I have emerged a new person and I am reclaiming this space, as I have reclaimed my life.
Home sweet home.